hello.

Today was a quite okay day. woke up to rain and thunderstorms and a quest to find my POSB passbook which miserably failed.

But anyway, i helped out at the ncss carnival today, under the students care center. it's really impressive to see so many charities being attended to - gathering attention - gaining standing in Singapore.

Service today was really amazing..Alot about Pastor How's sermon impacted me to live right and live well. It was about giving leadership to our will in our lives, to really break through barriers mentally..to tell ourselves that nothing indeed is impossible. That there are no barriers between us and what we can aspire to accomplish with God.

Wow, it really inspires me how Pastor can preach really well and steady even though he's really sick and injured and everything. I think that's the true servant of God - carrying on the burdens of the things he loves for the Love of Christ. Leadership to His will indeed..and i'm inspired to do the same to my life, and keep yielding my will to God above.


Matthew 26:39 says:

39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

and Jesus goes on to say a second time and a third time this as well.

44 So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.


This is what God really spoke to me today to, about surrender and worship..a continuous cycle of worship, surrender, love for Jesus. The Christian path is not easy. It is simple and easy to praise and worship and serve, but as once Pst Conner said, "i believe the ultimate act of worship is obedience."

I think the time is coming again to really surrender and prepare my life as a living offering to Jesus. After training camp, after everything..i think it's time to really really serve the best i can in Church and grow in spirituality. I've spent far too much time away from God..and i want to live His dreams for me.



He is faithful. I know that (:



"O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”




Our lives, His Glory. Think about that. (:




Hati Hamba (Servant Heart)


STANDING IN AWE OF YOUR GRACE
SETTING MY FEET IN YOUR WAYS
ENTERING INTO YOUR PRESENCE
TO BEHOLD YOU FACE TO FACE

GOD OF ALL HEAVEN AND EARTH
HOLDING ME IN YOUR EMBRACE
UNFAILING LOVE THAT SURROUNDS ME
OH..GOD I STAND AMAZED

MY JESUS, MY LORD
YOU’RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
WHEREVER YOU GO
WANNA BE BY YOUR SIDE
NO LONGER I
BUT CHRIST LIVING IN ME
SERVING YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY

MY EYES SET ON YOU
IN THIS RACE THAT I RUN
NO LONGER MY WAYS
LET YOUR WILL BE DONE
MAKE ME A SERVANT
MY HEART'S EVER TRUE
CLINGING TO THE CROSS
I'LL FOLLOW YOU
I'LL FOLLOW YOU

wow, its been coming to 2 years in the Heart of God!


honestly, i've got to tell you guys. I'm really amazed at the change i've seen in myself.


GOD HAS CHANGED MY LIFE, AND THIS IS MY PROGRESS (:


-Billy 34 months ago-


sup guys. well yesterday was kinda funny, I had tution at rodriguez..I did litrature with two other partners..Pamela and Leanne, the're quite quiet though. I guess that's just girls. well, nothing eventful happened..though like pamela blushed a bit for some reason, I don't know why. then, I had tution for maths, which was quite intresting, I learnt more stff abt indices..quite uneventful. Oh yeah, I smsed joanne. I don't know why is it that SHE continues to pursue the issue, Cause looking back and bearing a grudge without telling a reason is just, plain stupid. well, I smsed back abt the THING that SHE had to jolly well BRING UP AGAIN.."okay, if she wants to continue to be like that, I don't give a damn. I will go on, helping you and others with or without her. Very well, SHE wants to pursue the issue and not forgive and forget. I think that getting angry by looking back is stupid. Is SHE hates me, I WILL HATE HER BACK! SHE WANTS WAR, SHE HAS THAT STUPID COLD WAR OF HERS. I DON'T CARE, I HAVE MY LIFE AND YOU HAVE YOURS, AND I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN TALK OR HELP TO SOMEONE WHO WON'T TALK, LISTEN, AND IS BLINDED BY HER OWN FOOLISH, INFLEXIBLE DOCTRINE." As siyin said to me, "I will still rock on, with or without her."


Believe it or not! ---------------------------------------------------


-Billy 32 months ago-

Life sucks. I'm at the ultimate epitome of my sianness. Guess how much I got for my a-maths? 15/100. That's Fifteen freaking marks out of 100 freaking marks. How freaking bad can it get? Seriously. and If that's not bad enough, guess how much I got for lit? 9/15. I'm seriously dropping..and Chem? 20/30. It's FREAKING LIKE. PISSEDSHIT FUCKED UP ASSCRAP OUT OF NOWHERE. I'm like in the class with the cool guys, but like results are Fucked up. Damn lah. I FREaKING pay attention to the Freaking teacher, But like. some asshole goes like "(x-2)(x+2) (r+d) Sub in dunno what fucking shit." in a damn fast voice. If that's not bad enough, My mum's slave driving me to freaking work like shit. If it's time to use the word SuperFuckingCrappalisticEx-Fuckin-aledocious, It'll be now.
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Fuck.
-Billy 30 months ago-
I am just the most, retarded piece of crap in the world. There's no turning back the clock now it's just like that. So I'm just going off. I'm not being friends with anyone or anything anymore cause it's so obvious alrealdy, that i cannot, do shit. I cannot, be a better man. I'm, a coward, only concerned for myself, and not to others. I'm, a rude person, saying what he wants and nothing else. I, am a idiot. I don't think that i say. and i just say it. I'm worse than Osama bin laden. He killed people with bombs but i hurt people with words and rend souls and just anyhow do it. at least osama has a reason. I just do it out of pure anger. So well i'm just going to go off. maybe delete my blog. msn. friendster. make sure no one meets me or be my friends cause all i do is make trouble and do shit. I'm like, Billy in James Blunt's songs! Well. no use turning back the clock. just move and suffer. I'm looking like a freaking idiot posting thing. I don't deserve to be even like, posting SHIT. I'm a demon deserved to DIE, and I am not worthy of GOD's GRACE or JESUS'S LOVE.
When I jump down, It's going to be with anton cause it's just us who wants to jump down and die, we'll go to heaven and solve the problems alltogether! People will go like "Anton died? oh okay. =)" and like they will ask "Oh..then who is the other guy who jumped down? Is it the guy with no life one? oh cheh, nevermind him lah. Good riddance." And then we'll go to heaven and we'll sit there for eternity and beside jesus and god and the good folks, If not we'll go to hell and die again and again and again with i find soooo pleasing cause i think you guys like me there cause I AM AN ANGSTY NO FUCKING LIFE TEENAGER with no fucking friends and who always wants to die and die and no ONE CARES OR GIVES A SHIT. Fuck all, fuck you, I'm going to jump down, YAY! CONGRATULATIONS PEOPLE WHO WANTED TO HELP ME AND ACTUALLY WANTED ME TO DIE, CAUSE I"M GOING TO! HAHAHA! SPECIAL THANKS TO THE PERSON WHO'S GUILTY IN READING THIS, YOU REALLY CHANGED MY LIFE. I REALLY WANNA GO MEET GOD WHO LOVES ME AND LIKES ME AHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!
-Billy 24 months ago-
I feel like shit okay. I don't know if anyone bothers to read this..but oh well. I'm just so sick and tired of disgusting personalites. I'm so sick and tired of being jealous. I'm so sick and tired of being ignored. I'm so sick and tired of being looked at like a freako. I'm so sick and tired of petty arugments. I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT LOVE. I'M SO SICK AND TIRED WITH HOMEWORK. I'M SO SICK AND TIRED WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE SO PETTY. I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF TUTION. I don't know what to do, i'm confused. I don't think anyone but a few people care.
-Billy 22 months ago-
Okay. 5am in the morning, i just woke up, my eyes are wide open so i'll post. What these past few weeks have been is just pure different. Last saturday i was invited to heart of god church by zhenghui. You know my usual skeptical self, I prepared like WOAH so many questions and didn't even bother listening. Well but the strange thing is that you know the whole atmosphere there is different man. It's not like your normal church-service-sermon-ahh go home Thing, It somehow gives a really warm feeling to people even such as me visiting for the first time. After the whole thing i decided to just screw the questions and just enjoy. It's a funny feeling, it's like at some point i realised that my questions are going to be answered/have been answered. I'm kinda freaked out so to speak, because actually on wednesday, My CG leader spoke to me and prayed for me. She told me stuff that's so freaking fascinating to hear out of a person you've just known for half an hour or so. She told me my aims..my struggle in life. What i've been going through and what i've been looking for. She prayed to god for an encounter to make me see things..and at that point in time she finished up and went to pray for others. I was left with differnt thoughts and different feelings till suddenly i had this overpowering, over dominating thought that just potruded out of my mind. It's like someone just spoke inside my brain okay, i swear, I SWEAR. It went, "Put your faith in your heart and in all you do. Don't give up." After church and a few miniutes of contemplation i realised that this voice was god, and i was just touched by him. It's just so fascinating because after that encounter i left the place a different person, a person with less doubts, fears, and more understanding. A person who is cleansed from all difficulty and hardship. It's like being born again, literally. I can't explain why this happens. But it did. The only thing i have to say is that wow, thank god that i went to heart of god church. It's a new experience and a new life, A new everything. New friends, New understanding, new thoughts and actions. A NEW HEART :D I shall tell you people more later! Right now i have to go walk with my dad. Jesus, you rock man.

-Billy just last year-







Mood: Thinkish-Spirtual
Listening to: Kaoru's Journey I (Gut Guitar)


Just thought over some stuff and i really feel looking-forwardish and happy today.


Yesterday night Clarence called me and he shared some stuff with me about the seven pillars of the church and what we gotta go..and i cant help but think that i've joined a church which is really incredible.

Just thinking of how church progressed over these months i've joined..it's so fast! I remember the first time i came into church..I was hard hearted and rejectful, i was closed and cautious. But yet, the people were kind, loving, understanding, and the leaders who led me always understood my perceptions and helped me go through phase after phase. As the months went past, i saw the church grow bigger..I remember the time when we were 500-600+. I remember my first cell group meeting where it was just Me, Dexter, Clarence, Lynette, Zhenghui, Jieru, Jingfen, Samteo, Cherie, Dawei, and Elieen. Now i look at where we're standing and i'm really proud to see how we've grown..we've got so many new people- Pei Jun, Mu-Ying, Vivien, Wei Hao..and the list goes on. And i'm really happy that this trend is moving on! i see new people who i've never even met coming to church..and i see old members coming back too. Bernice, Alicia and Samantha Yap. It's grown so much from just D5 to something that of incredible spiritual size, strength and nature. I can't help but feel that it's really been accelerating and moving fast!

And i always remembered the up and coming leaders..it makes me proud to see people like Ranford and Carlo rising up into the minstry/leaders area. I remember when i first saw ranford- just a new friend back then..Now he's someone great! A person with a strong faith, a man of God with incredible spirit, love, and he's rising up to be a leader.


I look back and I look at the church now..we're moving to Paya Lebar, things are going up great and rising like never before. I see new people become leaders and serve in ministry..and all this. It just makes me so, so proud to be in Heart of God Church. The love never died out..the growth never stopped. Everything just shot up and really went up exponentially..and it's growing and growing!

Now i really can't wait but look towards the future and take into my anticipating mind the things that we are gonna be doing and what the church is gonna be like. It's a new journey, it's a bigger church, we're moving to a new level of spirituality, and i think i'm going to ride the wave with the rest of the youths and adults in this church, and move on towards the amazing future God has set for us!



The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna
Give my praise to You!




--------------------



The Bill you knew 22 months ago is dead.


Billy died on 1/11/06.


on 1/11/06, Billy died, and was born again.


What else can i say when i see this change? what else but that something supernatural indeed has happened. I'm honestly, deeply so thankful to Jesus.




Love, Billy



Hi everyone.





Woah, looking back on the past years and the accomplishments, milestones and efforts i've made, i'm really happy man.

Significant stuff, 04-07


04-
Gotten into ACSBR.
Started on Publications ACS.
Found my passion in English Literature.
Did web design for Publications.

05-
Topped the class for History.

06-
Rose up to be a leader in Publications, Design Dept.
Did ACSDAY issues for whole of this year.
Did Honours night booklet.
Entered ST competition, obtained merit.
Accepted Christ, (1 Nov 2006)

07-
Helped in ACS carnival 07
Did ACSDAY issues for this year
Did honours night booklet
Attended Emerge 07
Heart of God church moved to Singpost!
Start of Discipleship
Awarded with a distinction in Honours Night
Change of CG - d5->d2
FINISH OLEVELS!
Started serving in Publishing House
Parachute Band Concert
Zone Camp
Major Spiritual Breakthroughs in direction, vision and people
Vacation Bible School
Major Spiritual Breakthroughs in wisdom, knowledge and boldness (Father's Heart)
Team Discipleship
Started Integrating people

-08
Going to serve on the worship team.




haha.

It seems like It's really acceleration! Like Church's vision for us, we really accelerated. from 04-07, everything just went up exponentially.

With the vision this year on leadership, i just can't wait for my life to start taking flight in Christ Jesus.

I'm sure this is going the be the greatest year of my life ever yet.


Things may be going wrong, I may be shoved into places i hate, I may have battles with myself, But i'm sure that that's just God preparing me to be someone in Him.

That Cell Group Leader.
That Worship Leader.
That designer for God.


I live for Jesus.




Me just recently





hahah hey


I was just thinking thru church and the meetings with Dom. eg, the mens meeting.


I'm so inspired to see and know such awesome leaders like Pst How & Lia, Dominic, Garrett, Fifi, Charleston etc, and i truly am pushed and inspired to become something like them: a great preacher and teacher, and spiritual father and mother like Pastors, A leader and friend like the zone leaders, a great worship leader in the footsteps of Daniel and Joanne, & so much more!

Looking back at how Heart of God Church was brought up from a home connect group, into an industrial park, all the way into town and here to where we are at singpost..it's been a really really long way. People have come to this house of God, stayed on and really gave and are giving their best to God. Sadly some guys lost the fire and the feel for such a great place as this and fell away from their walk with God.

So sometimes i look back and i ask myself: what keeps me on? What's the burden of your heart that keeps your love for Jesus and Church going on strong? Sometimes i envision myself in someone else's shoes asking myself, "Is it truly worth it, spending your time, energy and money on a place such as this? why stay on?"

It's been a long almost two years since i've stepped into church- and it's really an amazing journey i see in myself too. wow, looking back i've seen myself change from a small, insociable, unopen, angry person, shadowy as a bug hiding from patches of sun, all the way into who i am now, i'm proud to say that i'm a slowly but surely growing, onfire, radical servant of Jesus! Truly what many leaders have prayed for in me and have given me God's words is coming to pass man!

and for me, i'm really glad and happy to say that the reason for all this is a God, Jesus and Holy spirit, a true compassionate triune God who's always there for me, guiding me, loving me, touching me, giving His best to me so i can give MY best to HIM.


With all these hopes, dreams and loves in my heart, i really have nothing to say but that i'm glad that God has been working in, with and thru me, and my dear friends and family in Christ, and truly, i'm eagerly waiting and getting ready for the amazing move of God that's going to move Heart of God church into new levels of leadership, Influence, love, to really fufill our callings according to what God sees in us!




I've said it before and i'll say it again: the future, is truly amazing! :D






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The past has changed amazingly, and the future is amazing in Christ. :)

The future is amazing! (:

Can't wait!