17 years old :)

thanks for the birthday wishes :D






"every day of my life, i will wait on You
You've captivated my soul, my heart flows, rivers of living water"

hey.


i really miss hanging out in church.

I missed the days before poly, when i just hung out with the people on wkdays and ends

playing games, studying, designing.



I cant help but feel that getting into a routine again, it's just haming myself. I see my spiritual life go down..I can't be bothered to fellowship. I'm going home alone again.






But i'm just amazed. Thru whatever happened..God's still God. Still faithful, still strong
Even when i'm dead in the spirit He lifts me up and renews my strength each day when i'm spent.




Redrain today really rocked my socks off..but it was an amazing experience spiritually.



It's that thing that really reminded me what and who to stand for..and why.

Why i stood strong in the past

Why i stand now

Why i should stand even stronger in the future.





The last post i rmb i was deciding where to stay..

And i think, even thou i'm out of this world and going haywire, that i'm gg to put my trust in God.
I know He's faithful.




He'll come for me.










Where the streets have no name

U2/Redraincover





I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name


I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name


Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building
Then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do


The city's aflood
And our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Trampled in dust
I'll show you a place
High on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name


Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building
Then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do
Our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind
Oh, and I see love
See our love turn to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind
Oh, when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

hey.


Jeez, i've been having battles in myself agn.


1/2 of me really looks towards the bad stuff in people, the other half really pulls me back and says, "Billy, you serve God. Don't."


Temptation is just so abundant in my life now, i dont know why. Its just so easy to slip away..there are loads of times where i really feel in my mind, the devil is speaking to me : "if you could just take the broad road..it's easy."

"Go after her, she's hot."
"Do it later, you're tired, play some games first."
"That lecture isin't worth your time."
"Just skip it lah, you're tired"
"Give up your guitar, you've got no time"
"Just give up your hopes of becoming a national archer. you'll NEVER do it."
"Your family's going down the drain."



and it's like, 1/2 of the time i'm out there, it just breaks me down and makes me ache inside

But i know for God, i have sworn to serve Him and His House as long as i draw breath.

It's the thing that keeps me going on, yet thou sometimes thru the circumstances i question why i obey God and not slip into human temptation, or why i do.



I'm seeing another stoppage in spiritual breakthrus..and i'm not going to let it happen.



I'm gg to pray my best, serve my best, love my best, learn my best.

I know in my heart..i didn't come up till now for nothing. God led the way, God cleared the way. I see it as He's holding His hand out right now towards me..but i'm hesitating because there's a death canyon between Him and me.



Take that step of faith?





right now, i'm still thinking.







God, it's my life that's yours.
or
Why did i believe in that Jesus anyway?

Hey.

i really feel amazing these few days, God has really shown me that really, Nothing is impossible with Faith. It's been amazing- Since giving to God, i have been so blessed. So many spiritual breakthrus, amazing experiences.

Woah, i just suddenly ran into an old post on dexter's blog that really impacted me.



Pastor Lia said something inspiring to the VBS worship team:
"You will never feel rested. This is how it is going to feel like 9 out of 10 times you go out there."

this is not only true on worship team, but on any other ministry or even our own spiritual lives. there is no rest in pursuing Jesus. in fact, Jesus did not promise us an easy happy-go-lucky lifestyle, but a life of continual submission, surrender, and discipleship.

i've learnt that the anointing of God doesn't just come with a mere praying-up. anointing comes with a holy lifestyle, a humble-and-completely-submissive heart to God, as well as utmost focus on seeking His presence at all times. In fact, this is just the start of my discovery about God's presence and anointing. I am sure there is so much more God is revealing to me slowly. Yes, time with God brings in anointing, but God has always shown me that my life, and my heart determines how much God will use me to convey His presence to the people.

this is scary because my life, my heart and my mind is so volatile and yet the responsibility to handle God's presence and anointing is all on my shoulders. indeed, without a fear of the Lord, life in worship team will be a struggle. and there is never enough fear of the Lord in us, always. i still seek to fear God more. i need to be afraid of living an unholy lifestyle. i'm not fearful enough.

God showed me a few areas of my heart i need to change. and God said this to me (or at least i felt God tugging at me in this area): "Dex, you want to have a father's heart, but look at your heart now. You are not ready yet." Then God started showing me all the areas I have to work on in my heart and character. He literally showed me area by area. He began showing me things that would make me feel all the things I would feel upset/jealous/insecure about and then He said, "You should not be reacting this way emotionally. change."

VBS was not only about memorizing memory verses (which I think i did pretty well, anyway), or receiving from different Pastors.

VBS was a physical stretch in skills and discipline.
VBS was spiritual breakthrough, in personal life with God and in character.









woah.

hey,

I think it's time to start working hard in everything, not just academics, but in spirituality, outward looks, the right attitude, correct thinking.


It's one thing to be random and fun, but its another to know when the right time to do it.