“It’s all just mere copying, he replied. Multiply your expenses, and look to the government for support, and sell your soul to the government for the grant. This is the history of our educational movement. And another thing. What a fuss they have learnt to make of sports! As if colleges and schools were a gymnasia, the main business of which is to turn out sturdy idiots. When I think of all the pampering and sentimentality of sports and games! He shuddered. The main business of an educational institution is to shape the mind and character and of course games have their value. Why worship sports, and the eleven stalwart idiots who bring in a shield or a cup? It is all a curse, copying, copying, and copying. We could as well be born monkeys to justify our powers of imitation.”

–The Headmaster, from The English Teacher by RK Narayan.

Mood: Okay
Listening to: Red rain by Red rain

I feel like releasing waste right now. ):

School was fun. Carnival preps, free periods, english, lit and extended chapel. nothing much but a good start! I'll be on less though, i'm super busy nowadays.


After O levels, the servant comes full time : D

Mood: AHH
Listening to: 像我這樣的 by 何耀珊/Sun

AHH WHY WHY WHY IS THERE SCHOOL WHY!
)):


Gosh. Sun is such a great musician. I think i'm getting addicted to another chinese artiste! : D



Anyway, back to what i was saying. Sian. another semester of sian sian sian. School ends at two now. Still got cca, and a nice load of homework that i still have to do. Oh well. Life's gonna get better and better i hope. Looking forward to the end of o levels man. Its a whole new level and a whole new defenition of life!



Things i'm gonna go do after o's:
1. Sleep.
2. Serve in church full-time
3. Finish Follow up
4. Tithe
5. Attend two services a week and attend CG as well
6. Go for all church events
7. Exersise
8. Have a food tour of singapore (HEAR THAT KAY? : D)
9. Work in church
10. Learn Guitar properly
11. Teach
12. Re-learn design
13. Improve my english
14. Do some voluntary work
15. Play Halo with Ezra & Chew
16. Spend more time with my cousins and family
17. Watch an NC-16 movie
18. Stay up 48 hours straight
19. Run all the way from my house to singpost (don't ask)
20. Redo my room
21. Get an acoustic guitar
22. Improve my typed english
23. Read more
24. Go to a John Mayer Concert
25. Go to a Jazz Bar
26. Help out in Publications ACS
27. Get a new waterbottle.
28. Fix the toilet seat.
29. Wash my room.
30. Get a laptop.
31. Improve my blog design skills
32. Improve my Chinese
33. Get more of RK narayan's books
34. Start flaming and calling for a revolution against the education system
35. Help out in the christian society in ACS
36. Watch a horror movie
37. Go to a concert by Sun
38. Eat more fruits.
39. Stop the over-usage of, Wah Lao, Eh, What, Sian ah, and actually ah.
40. Swim
41. Give a 20 dollar offering
42. Get a new phone
43. Paint the gate
44. Burn and spit on my chem and physics books
45. Watch American Pie
46. Learn the thriller dance.
47. Try to drink a gallon of milk in one go
48. Grow long hair
49. Play with a band.
50. Expand my music taste.







After O levels, the servant comes full time : D

Mood: okay.
Listening to: Hosanna by Hillsongs

Today. Today went to visit Grandmum at the temple near Grandad's hse. Went with mum only. It's good to be back with family finally, sometimes i just feel like we've been away for ages and it's just. so. distant. Yeah. Anyway, i had a nice chat with my cousin Huiping today abt Sociology and Religion and that stuff, sort of introed her to what we at Heart of God church do. (:

What to do now. what what what. AH YES TYPE!

Type type type. Reflection! I don't know, I just feel like typing a big long reflection here before i go to sleep. Well, for some reason i feel really sian, but that good kind of sian. I feel that life's been great since i accepted Christ, I've got into a wonderful church with fantastic pastors, i've got friends and wonderful leaders, and i've got a momentum and movement going on spiritually. I've fallen down a few times but always been helped up, I felt like i screwed up in church several times in terms of new friends, leaders and just general living up to the things God wants me to live. But well, life goes on. Looking forward to that incredible future that we as Heart of God church are going to experience very soon. I just feel like moving, and i feel that o's are the last hurdle i cross before i can really unleash my talents and serve God in whatever way i like. God saved me, and i think i should do something to at least to help out in his house. I want to move, i want to dream and move big. I want to live that life that so many others lived in the time of the bible, i want to go out of my comfort zone and make things happen for others. I think that i want to live my life completely the way God wants it, and i totally want to move on for the world and the rest.

Ahh. Alot of things floating through my mind now. sleep time.







I'm going all out for you God. After O levels, The servant rises full time for the one who gave it ALL. (:

If my brother didnt appeal for ACS, I wouldnt not have gone into ACSPR.
If i didnt go to ACSPR, I wouldnt have gone into ACSBR.
If i didnt know ACSBR, I woudn't have got into 2A4.
If i didnt get into 2A4, I wouldnt have known kenneth.
If i didnt know kenneth, i wouldnt have played maplestory.
If i didnt play maplestory, i wouldnt have known Ronald.
If I didnt know ronald, wouldn't have known Siyin.
If I didnt know Siyin, I wouldnt have known Vanessa.
If i didnt know Vanessa, i wouldn't have known Dawn.
If i didnt know Dawn, I wouldn't have known Zhenghui.
If i didnt know Zhenghui, I wouldnt have known Lynette.
If i didnt know Lynette, i wouldnt have known Heart of God church.






If i didnt know Heart of God church i wouldnt have known the Son of God.





























No mere coincidence. God is truly, honestly, incredibly amazing. (:

Darn darn darn. Computer's dead again.


How how how. Help help help ><

Mood: Joyful. joyful
Listening to: I will wait by CCC

Hello world, I hate my computer, and i think i'm infatuated with red rain.

Cheers.

The paradox is that people do not practice what they preach in all.
-unknown.


I'm just going to say what really makes me fed up, pisses me to the core then just get on with my life.

One fucking thing. Love. I understand some has experienced it and there is some good sense in it. I have found several answers and opinions. Yet still? When a boy and girl date, what do they hope for? although they have each other to care about, can provide each other with support, what is the ultimate goal? When you make that commitment or seal it with a kiss, can you keep that promise? When you tell that precious person of yours, "I'll love you forever and never let you go." How long is forever? Although there are many theroies to this; We love because god loved us, Love makes the world go round, Love lifts us up where we belong. What are we doing to ourselves and why. I will not deny that in some part of my life i will love. but still, the question is why do we love although we know the finality of being together is breaking apart?

I do not think i can love, i am particulary heartless and very unintresting, but still i cannot stand girls and boys saying "I really love you i won't let you go" and then 6 hours later hold the hand or kiss some other guy/girl. Where is your sense of loyalty and honour?
I know where. Up your ass. You people who love and breakup with "tears" of sadness. Get a life. People won't care about you bitching about how big your boyfriend was. get a fucking life. In a few years time. O levels. can't you see that there's so much to live for other than for a guy or a girl?
Handle yourself before you can handle other's emotions! Use your sense of logic! Nabeh!


"I will love you forever" <- Pointing a gun to your head and telling someone you love to shoot.


----



Life is simple. But people are complicated.
-Tan Siok Bin, My Mother.

I'm really unhappy now. Feeling really faded and sick. Nowadays, I'm trying NOT to get crushes. It's like impossible to love. I'm cold. Why? Maybe i've convinced myself no one, NO ONE, knows what love is. or that they can love. Well, this is my essay, and this is how i feel.





"Everything that has a beginning has an end."
- The oracle, From the matrix.

After everything there's an end and that ending really sucks. Why bother to be in love anyway? That's why some people are over love and maybe that's why i'll never get a girlfriend. Well. I've been thinking, Love is sometimes like a drug? When you are in love it's heaven. When you're away you wanna cry. When you part with it you literally throw your life away. After every emotion of happiness, love, and all? It goes down the drain! Every "Our relationship will last forever..I lurve you so much..I'll never leave you.." ends with "You Bitch/Bastard, you ruined my life." even it's it's a nice breakup, some people just can't get over love. and after love? what happens? You get depressed. Drink even. Take your pillow, shove your head in and scream like a cow. Turn on the shower and just think. Punch your fists against the wall and hope for the better. And what happens? You get over it, and you feel sober. get ready to live life. get ready for the worst. Pessemisim sets in eventually and what do you become? A emotionless cold person. even when one gets over it? what does he or she get again? another relationship, another history, another black mark or a cut embedded in the mind. Suffering over, and over again. And everything in the end? has an end. No such thing as " I love you forever."

"Well, My philosophy. Life sucks. Live with it man. Cheer up. (: "
- Ho Song Yang, Friend and Brother in school.






"People are full of egos..They shit all over the place and expect people to clean it up and like cleaning it..they only know how to make people feel negative..Now you understand why hitler killed all the jews.."
-Tay Yew Chye, My Father.

A friend of mine had a love life. Eventually, love blossomed into a huge part of his life, and he asked others to help him, guide him. I was reluctant, but being a friend, i decided to give help. He asked me for favours, i gave. However. He Boasted and Boasted like hell. Everyone knows about their relationship. He made me like, So angry because like somehow being in love with another friend of mine changed me. Then i thought, Who on earth deserves him? What does he do to every relationship? "Dear sweet love, I'll take you home.." and then? he jokes. he plays. he makes fun. and the feelings of others get hurt. After ego? even people like I get jealous after tolerating. He pricks the depths of my emotional self, and others too. Love breeds ego. and Ego? Is hell. A very good friend of mine, who gave me help in understanding love, said" Yes. Really. And it's like he gets the rights over u and he starts boasting to everyone that you are his girlfriend. This tt feeling is really very good." Well, I understand what she says, but in fact. People like me who try their best to tolerate, stick with nonviolence and tolerance, are turned into crazy beasts. How come such a freak like him can get a girlfriend like that anyway? I'm just a philosophical guy in the world who just wants to live, I'm two years older, know lots of eligible Girls, and why does he get a girlfriend, and i don't? Pride Makes me jealous. I tolerated this three times.

Love = Sweet things, happy and ego.
Ego = boastful
Boastful = Alot of people don't like
Alot of people don't like = Irritation
Irritation = no good
No good = i don't like.





" I will be there for him just as strong as he, will be there for me When I give myself then it has got to be, an equal thing.."
-Tata young, From the song "Cinderella."

Well when things go down i need to pick up the pieces myself..I always learn things the hard way, and literally..I don't think most people care about my life. When i get a girlfriend i will have to help HER pick up the pieces of broken things. help HER do things for her. put her to sleep when she's tired. And once i've done everything i gotta pick myself up too.sometimes love would be "we be there for each other" because most of the time..It's the guy who does stuff..and when it's the other way around she's just "don't worrie okie? <3" size="4">"Love makes us act like we are fools..Throw our lives away, for one happy day.."
-Satine, From the moulin rouge.

The aim of love is to get married. To feel that warm feeling inside. What does marraige hold for us? none of us know. I'd like to quote a friend, who gave me an incredible insight, and who woke up to the reality of suffering.
"its stupid to get married. FINE whatever thats a 'childish' thought to some, i think its not. well when i was p5 or something my friends were accepting the fact they need some, love in theirlivesurghcome to think of its sick. ooh, i have a bf! I'm SO cool!VERY retardedwah, Tt girl got bf, she must be chio. Yeah right i especialy hate people who get married and then. divorce, leave the family. its cruel. and they never think about the kids.stupid adults . all they care about is that SLUT. and theyre moneymoney money moneyOOOH LOOK im so rich come on~ \.and then stupid women will FLOCK to that old guy for his money, they ALWAYS think theyre right whatever they do they THINK its right yeah. divorce and hurting the kids are okay.Well..If things happen..we must try ourselves not to make ourselves like that.."The greatest thing you'll ever learn, Is to love, and be loved in return.." I'll never get married..kill me if i go back on this promise.."





" The finality of life, is death."
-Siddharta Gautama, The buddha.

Love is a paradox. It causes happpiness but in the end it all comes down to suffering because there is an end to a relationship. It is so wonderful, You see it everywhere, on blogs, songs, written on people's faces, and yet you think of it it's a drug like heroin, so i pretty much am tempted to take it. Well..I don't know if i should love. I'm extremely emotional..over friendship breaks i just wanna point a gun (yes, a bb gun, not kidding) and shoot myslef..and end it. I don't know how to handle a girlfriend. and after everything I've done for her, helped her, died for her, when we break up? I'll be on top of a building just hanging with my legs there. just waiting.

31st



My birthday! My family went to eat at this Japanese place at Raffles town club. It was very good, quite filling. Went to Emerge after that, met up with the CG outside hall 8. Little did i know they had a suprise for me. In the middle of the queue, they celebrated my birthday with the rest of the queue at city harvest. I gotta admit, it was one of the best birthdays i had with anyone. At that point, i had a mix of confusion (Because i wanted to skip my b'day to give to building fund.) happiness, blurness (if there even is such a word.) and as weird as it sounds, happy embarrasment.




I recieved a birthday card from the CG, and well, some of the messages in there really reached into my soul and body, and touched the growing spiritual heart of mine. (:



Happy Bday Bill!

Stay cool and such an awesome person!

Carlo =)








Helloo Bill : D

Hahah! (: Yeah, 16 year old! You're gonna do well for the O's! I'm sure, because God's going to run the race with you! You're really a great friend!

Vivien

Pei Jun

Liting
























Samteo

In no order whatsoever,

More coming soon!