I was commenting on chloe's blog just now agn on secondary school life. It's only now how i realised how precious barker road is to me man.


Chloe's Post:

"When we got there, we received notice that it was Major Yum's last day in school. This is the man that sends me to the hospital everytime I get injured in school and gets me the best wheelchair. (I'm accident prone) He was like 'I will always remember you, sprain your ankle, then neck, then elbow... wah! want to forget also cannot'. Rachel just kept laughing lah. Some best friend right?
Subsequently, we bumped into Mr Lee S.B and Rachel was like 'MR LEE!! REMEMBER CHLOE?! she's the one that talks so much in your class.. you scolded her many times.' Despite the fact that Mr Lee reprimands me for not wearing my uniform right, talking too much and not being serious enough... he still loves me because I bagged an A for history!

A few moments later, Mrs Raj came in and she was like 'my sweet sweet Chloe.. how can I forget you? You and your beautiful essays.' She asked what I was studying and when I replied Banking & Financial Services, she gazed at me in consternation as if to make sure I was not mad, bad or bent on self-destruction before asking why I didn't choose Mass Communication. She said, and I quote, 'I love your essays, you're a very bright girl with so much potential. When you're done with this course I urge you to go get a degree and pursue writing again, you've got a gift.. it's best that you use it. Such wonderful essays.' She flatters with delicacy. I was thoroughly enchanted by it and even more so because it was coming from one of my favorite teachers.

We bummed around school for a bit. But since the heavens poured rain as thick as drapery, I just cabbed home and spent that 10 minutes staring out at the window watching my school diminish with distance while reminscing the times spent in smss.
I guess I really do love school afterall."




Bill:
I guess from what i see secondary school life is actually kinda good. (: Man, i can't imagine the nostalgia i'll get when i leave acs. I've been in the same school&campus for 9 long years! I'm planning to go back every week next year to help out in cca and contribute to the christian society..I'm dreading the time when i have to leave and move on to an unfamilar place ): Well I guess after all this time looking back we have to move on..It's life and life's got a billion willion things out there for us! but still, that doesn't stop us from visiting right? (:



Chloe:
I had the same feeling during my final year in secondary school.
Too much memories there! Campfire camaraderie, riveting storytelling, engaging in silly antics, climbing over the school gates to avoid getting booked by the prefects, the stupid school-made vids.. all that nonsense.

But yeah.. there's just so much more for us to experience out there x)



Bill:
Yup. Loads of stuff waiting out there for us (: It's always great to have hindsight and foresight in our lives, and i don't think it hurts so much in the end. We can always go back and visit! The best thing is that i think by visiting we learn so much more than we did when we were in there. I haven't visited my old primary school so much, but from what i can see is that teachers come and go, friends leave, change and dissappear. From that i learnt that keeping that friendship is very impt. We're in a sea of 4 million man!

Well, who knows what visiting might bring you? I can see alrealdy that the value of school's coming to you..but who knows. Every visit is like visiting a park every 5 years or so. The landscape changes- small and large, and each visit we can appreciate nature much better than we did before. Who knows what we can learn from the places we have left behind (:





I'm going to miss barker road lots when i leave. But well, as i said in my comments, there's so much more to learn from everything else and nothing can stop us from visiting again (:





That reminds me of something i posted the other day.

"While i was preparing for lit class the other day, I came across a very beautiful, poignant comment in the English Teacher. It says, "We all come together to go apart again." This is made by the protagonist, Krishnan. Generally..I just can't help but feel that my years in Acs Barker. They are 4 years of change and incredible revelation. I don't feel like leaving my friends and my Acs spirit behind for a better future, and i really wish i could stay forever. I've grown to like this school, I don't think anything's going to replace what, by grace, God has given to me through the school community. I'm going to miss the talks by Mr Ng, The devotions, the morning chapel. Sometimes i wonder what i'll do when one day in my working life, I happen to pass by barker road. Should I walk in and embrace the school and it's life once more, or just walk on for a better future? Sometimes i envision myself teaching and helping students there, and sometimes i envision myself doing other good things in that school, especially for the christian committee. It's a mix of thoughts and feelings that i've never considered before, I feel a little sad that i'm going to leave.

But well, as they say. Life goes on. I think God has given me a mission to do in this school, to start a great movement that has been lost to the new age and new habits. I don't want to give up..I think i will go back and help after i graduate. God gave me this mission..and i don't want to fail it or give it up because of graduation. I don't want to pass the torch, i want to continue running for God and Acs even though i'm gone as a student. Perhaps one day, I shall consider returning to school to do God's work as a serious christian."

Mood: Happy
Listening to: I simply live for you by CCC

Today was awesome man! I'm happy cause i got into the exam hall, did and did and did my stuff and everything seemed to come out great! :D The best thing: I could feel God's presence together with me during that exam. His presence just fell on me and i just couldn't help but close my eyes for a while and thank him for being there with me. Everything went very well! I wrote an essay on the English teacher that amounted to about two and a half pages, Plus a prose passage of about two and a half sides.

As for english, it was really easy! Summary was slighty bumpy but it was fine in the end. I feel really wonderful and happy that i studied, some stuff really came out in the end. I think i can safetly say that my grades for english and lit will reach either an A2, or a B3. I'm hoping with all my soul that i get an A1 for both. Studies! Sigh. lol. Well, i'm doing this differently and honestly now. I'm not doing this to please my parents or mother. This is for me, my life, my future. I'm training my mind, and I'm going to use these results to train my mind, bulid me up, and be a great testimony to the people out there that Jesus brings out the best in us in everything we do, including studies!

Projected Grades for midyears:
English A1/2
Lit A1/2
Maths B3
Physics C5
Chemistry B3
SS/SSH B3

L1R5 : 16
L1R4 : 12

I'm hoping to get the best case scenario below:

English A1
Lit A1
Maths A2
Physics B3
Chemistry A1
SS/SSH A2

L1R5 : 10
L1R4 : 7

Gonna get that 10 points man! After O's i swear, i swear i'm going to burn my textbooks and go crazy. (:

MIRACLES ARE COMING!

Mood: Serene
Listening to: Music of youtube video: Passion of the christ


So many things are happening spiritually, it's so overwhelming.


Yesterday Pastor talked about faith and faith and faith. It was just amazing. The story of rahab the prostitute, who saved israel's spies and became the great grandmother of king david and the ancestor of Jesus, and the faith of the bleeding woman. So many revelations, incredible stories, Words from God and love all around. God told me once again that i will be his sheep, but i will also be his sheperd. I understand what he wants me to do..and i think he is calling me, calling me to take up my cross and lay down my life for others. I can understand what faith is all about and why i haven't been producing much fruits of labour!

Unusual acts + Faith = Breakthroughs.

I've just been doing the work, and not having the faith. But i'm determined and i think i'm ready to take on this new adventure of work and faith. I'm determined to see a new world around me, new friends, new people, changed lives.

& then there was the testimony of the guys at dunman sec who evangelised like Joshua who marched around Jericho seven times, and had that faith. the seventh time something great happened, 6 people got saved.

& after that i had fellowship with my CG. Never felt closer. I had a dinner for two with my team leader who shared with me so many things like his brother reconciled with his family and is coming to church. It's another amazing miracle, another incredible renewal. Andmy dad who was once usually not so happy about church told me suddenly while we were driving back home to put for him two dollars in the offering.

& i see so many people coming back to church. I see so many new and old cases, new people getting saved every day. I meet new friends and people who have been in church for so long. I hear testimonies and stories of miracles and of amazing caliber. I just see a great future for everyone, A great future for everybody. I just have the feeling that the harvest time is coming, we were sewing the seeds of faith early in the year. Soon comes the harvest and the fruits of our labor!! The amazing things i felt were going to happen- It's happening soon. So many miracles are happening and so many things are coming on great!!! The love of Jesus is just here and there- It's everywhere. Miracles are coming, Miracles are going to happen in people's lives! I can feel it coming! The faith and the heart is just so strong in everyone and in everything- I can sense it. It's just a new love that is spreading for everyone, christian and non christian, children of God and the lost- It is just moving. I can see God moving, and moving, and moving and moving and moving! In my friends i can see them moving- I see new leaders in church! I see new people who are going to rise up and who are rising up now! I can see God working through the families of people- My family, Clarence's family, hupsong's family, valerie's family! I see so many things happening and so many people rising up in faith like Bernice, Wei hao, eeyong, So many people i can't name them all. So many things are happening and the power is just undescribrable. If you take all the things with the defenition "amazing" "powerful" and "incredible" as well as "spiritual" in the dictonary of all languages and you compile it into one word, Twenty thousand of these words will not even start to describe what i feel is going to happen and what i feel is happening. God is moving!! God is going to live in people!! The tide of life is coming!!!! People will be SAVED!! People are going to live and live and live and live!! God is coming and moving!! There is no doubt at all i can just feel the immense power and the immense love just compounding all over- I just feel it bursting from my heart and the hearts of others. It's going to rise soon and we will have a breakthrough!

I just look at the way Jesus was tortured, flogged, crucified and made to suffer and i see death, horrible deeds, sadness and no hope. When i turn and look at him again All i see is life, life and life, amazing things, amazing love, amazing communtities and churches rising and coming up! THINGS ARE HAPPENING! MIRACLES ARE COMING! LOVE IS SPREADING! FAITH IS RISING! HOPE IS KINDLING! JESUS IS MOVING! GOD IS MOVING! THE HOLY SPIRIT IS MOVING!!!!! MANY WILL BE SAVED! MANY WILL BE FOUND! MANY WILL COME AND STAY BY THE SIDE OF OUR SAVIOUR!!! It's going to happen! It's happening and it's happening soon! MIRACLES ARE COMING!

Wow service was really awesome man.

Pastor How spoke about faith & faith & faith, Had some guy from dunearn sec share his incredible testimony of prayer & how 6 people got saved. Amazing man! Pastor also talked about the secret formula to spiritual sucess (Unusual acts + faith) and how different people had the faith and the daring nature to do the acts.


It's just so amazing that i'm short of words lah. So many miracles happening to me and around me as well.




God is a great God indeed :D

ENGLISH & LIT TML WISH ME LUCK! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Mood: buzzed
Listening to: fan spinning


ESSAY D:


Given the limited land available in Singapore, is it wise to set aside some areas as nature reserves?

Nature itself is a very important part of the world, let alone Singapore. I agree that it is wise to set aside some areas as nature reserves because land is very limited. Yes, it is neccecary to use some of these areas for the country's needs- Housing, Infrastructure, Industry, But we cannot say that these things come above nature- Nature too is a very important part of the ecosystem we live in. To get a full perspective of the issue, let us look at both of these sides, Natural, and Man made, one by one. Let us start off with the natural world. Nature is a very important aspect in our world. It has been present since the world was created, and it has been growing ever since, changing and molding the landscape. It has also given, and taken life from its inhabitants who reside in its magnificent body. It constitutes a big part of the ecosystem, and enables the world to achieve a natural, blissful equilibrium, which we can live in safely. Although nature has been known to show it's dark side once in a while, it provides us with sustenance, shelter, and comfort. It is, indeed, one of the most magnificent spectacles this world has ever beheld, and the very thing that keeps our world alive and going.

The urban jungle is of a somewhat different nature. Although it is similar to the natural world in the sense that it keeps the world alive and going, it is somewhat, a nemesis to its organic cousin. The urban jungle is human society's incredible creation- a machine with no limits and boundaries, which is growing and growing second by second. Every day, new trees are planted in the form of buildings. It's roots take the shape of electrical pipes and waterways. Its canopy is made up of the steel-and-glass material that blankets the city, and its lifeblood is the people who enjoy its benefits. The urban jungle keeps the economy and the business deals flowing. It brings in wealth and power to the human being. Similar to nature, it provides us with sustenance, shelter and comfort. This is indeed another amazing thing in our world- and it also keeps the world in itself alive and going.

However, it is argued that the urban jungle cannot live with the other natural world by its side. People do say that Singapore needs new land and new space for housing, for living, for keeping the people safe and sound. People also say that it is unwise to keep areas for nature to grow and prosper because our economy is the very thing that keeps the country from collapsing- and allows it to grow. It is indeed very necessary in this context to reserve a substantial amount of land for the urban jungle. Although there are methods of saving space- these methods can only allow us to expand on one plot of land only to a certain extent. There must come a time when we must use what little land reserve we have to build some more buildings to keep the urban jungle alive, and it's inhabitants thriving. Singapore is a small country, but it is growing slowly, but surely. In time, it will be inevitable that we have to use some of this land that the natural world has occupied to keep our country alive and running.

But still, what use is the man-made world when man himself cannot survive? It has been speculated as well that nature will play a very big part in deciding our future, and our children's future. The man made world has proven to be a menace at the same time. It has injected pollution into the natural world, causing millions of acres of fertile land to be either converted to man-made areas or destroyed permanently. It has caused much suffering to the natural world and it's inhabitants, and it is slowly poisoning even the urban jungle itself. It is said and proven that there are many things that are going to happen in the future if we do not start finding better ways of running the urban machine. Global warming, Flash floods, Freak weather- these are only but a few things that will come our way if we do not take nature into consideration. These things can lead to global catastrophe- leaving both natural and man-made jungles uninhabited, and utterly devastated into nothing. Some people have taken heed to the signs and are trying to stop the urban jungle from growing, but others do not want this to happen, and are looking down upon this effort. Films like "The day after tomorrow" and "The inconvenient truth" have shown us how much devastation can result if we do not do something now to contain the damage that is already done.

So if we look at this situation in the eyes of a common man, we can do two things- Either continue building on nature for Singapore's well being in terms of industry, economy and providing for it's people, or leave nature itself in peace, and source for other ways to expand the urban jungle. However, a third thing can be done in this situation-, which is to balance building the urban and natural jungles side by side. The new technology that we are developing can slowly help to make our urban machine less eco-hostile and more eco-friendly. We can also use this technology to help restore parts of the world which have fallen prey to our past, rash actions. At the same time, we can set aside certain areas of land to allow nature to take it's course and allow it to grow, rather than to continue building on it. The economy will have to take the strain of the effort, but it is worthwhile. Singapore's land is limited indeed, but we cannot take nature away from our country. Nature plays a very important part in keeping our world, and us intact. Nature and Urban aspects of our Singapore can live side by side each other to keep our nation a growing- yet ecologically friendly. Balance is the key in this world of ours- one cannot exist without the other.

In conclusion, it is necessary to set aside some places for nature reserves, but it is also necessary to allow Singapore to use land for it's own development.

Mood: Serene
Listening to: Did you feel the mountians tremble by Hillsongs

Had quite a strange day. I got to school and really did some work, but after recess i really conked out. Fell asleep twice in history class, and i kept on being distracted during math. I had a really horrible headache before i came back home, so i didn't go for tution. Slept and rested for quite a while. I feel kinda sick though, the pain is still lingering around my cranium.

Anyway, I'm planning to finish lots of physics today and tomorrow, and concentrate on maths soon after that. I realised i left out alot of sec three maths and i'm willing to go the extra mile and smash it all into small bits that my brain can consume. I'm done with history and ss- I got back a couple of tests. I'm really happy with my history, i got 9/13. That's almost an A2, awesome stuff. But still, DC commented on my really horrid handwriting and a little lack of points. But i find that great still, I heared that 1/3 class passed only. I got my test for chem back, i had 19/25. Anyway, i'm working towards a better result in both these subjects, hope i can cram them in time!


Things aside. I had this really strange dream the last night. I dreamt that i was in the mrt train, alone with an aquaintance i just met on easter, she was speaking softly or something like that, and i was trying to listen..In the end somehow i ended up comforting & hugging her for a really long time. I feel weird man =/

Okay gonna go study now.

Mood: Happy!
Listening to: Man on the side By John Mayer


Chem
Topics left:
1.Mole
2.Electrolysis
3.Organic Chem
5.Rate of Reaction
6.Redox

Physics
Topics left:
1.Sound
2.Electromagnetisim
4.Electromagnetic effects
5.Waves
6.Light
7.Latent Heat

Lit
Topics left:
1.Unseen
2.English Teacher
3.Much ado about nothing

Maths
Topics left:
1.Probrability
2.Shear-Stretch/Transformation
3.Vectors
4.Cumulative Frequency

History/SS
Topics left:
1.Housing
2.Population
3.China
4.Cold war


6 Days Left :D
7 Days to service :D :D
19 Days to Pastor Kong :D :D :D
36 Days to GDOP :D :D :D :D
40 Days to B'day! :D :D :D :D :D

I haven't done these in ages!

Taken from Sarah/Siyin's blog.


1. Height?
175 (:

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
No, and i never want to ever.

3. Do you own a gun?
Nah! Don't want to! Guns make people kill people!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Nah. I know that God'll take care of me through him (:

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
'Hot' Dogs -> Cool as a pet.
Hot Dogs -> Tasty, But i get freaked ocassionally knowing that it's mashed up Cow/Chicken/Pork/Snake/Racoon.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
So this is christmas By John Lennon

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Plain water <3

9. Can you do push ups? Yup. Thirty at max ><

10. Is your bathroom clean?
Yup. Duh.

11. What's your favorite piece(s) of jewlery?
My Cross.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
No secret weapon, Not looking for relationships

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
Sometimes, when i drink too much coffee or i feel really happy.

16. Middle Name?
Maximus. LOL. Just kidding, none.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1) All majesty, to the God of creation! All majesty...
2) Tution in half an hour! ):
3) Need to design that landyard tonighty.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Cross for Melvin, Bookmark for melvin as well, and a cross for myself.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink
Water, Viva! youghurt, Basil water/juice.

20. Current worry?
O levels!

21. Current hate?
School. Trying to get rid of it.

22. Favorite place to be?
Church!

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
An intense time of worshipping God, talking to him, expressing my love to him in tongues


24. Where would you like to go?
A place where i can really be free from rejection, parental objection (religious choices) and where God's presence is really sweet.

27. Do you own slippers?
Yup.

28. What shirt are you wearing?
Maroon Shirt.

29. Do you burn or tan?
No idea.

30. Favorite color?
A certian Shade of green. (Lime-softened.), Maroon-blood red, Deep soulful blue.

31. Would you be a pirate?
Nah. I'd rather be a missonary.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Christian songs! (Mostly by switchfoot now.)

35. What's in your pocket right now?
nothing.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Ian Ang's response.

Madam: Oh, but do you know that in the exorsist the real set, the actor really got possessed?
Ian: OH WOW! yes, yes that's WONDERFUL acting!

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Bed sheets which are a collage of animals. Lovely. Still sleep with them!

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Smashed my head on a step. Bled like no tomorrow.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Three.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
EZRA LEE!

42. Who is your most silent friend?
So far? I'm not sure. Everyone i know, is a talkative awesome bugger!

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
I wouldn't know.

44. Do u wish on shooting stars?
I trust in God for miracles, not shooting stars!

45. What is your favorite book?
The bible!

46. What is your favorite candy?
Some candy thing from church. God's sweet presence even permeates the sweets! <3

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
Always and forever by Planetshakers. Seems so. Lively? LOL!

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Came to the rescue/From the inside out

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Reading the bible (So glad that i caught up with the Bible reading plan!

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
wow it's seven am.

Mood: Allrighty-tired
Listening to: Stars by switchfoot


Well, today wasn't so bad. Distributed ACSDAY, i'm really happy that we got it done finally. I'm looking forward to the next issue, we're thinking of a twelve page issue, complete with carnival coverage/photo story, Plus a tear-out calendar (: Other than that, Discussed Carnival stuff with Mr Chiam and several other people today. I'm doing security work on that day, plus i'm designing the posters/ID cards for our class with Nathan and Kenneth. I saw nathan's designs today, they totally rock. Quite cool, I'm going to re-do them in photoshop/fireworks tonight. By the way, school was super weird. In math class, a couple of guys were waxing their legs with this hand held paper thingy. I was sitting in front of Hee Sang and Michael and doing maths..Then suddenly there was this super weird shout that went "OWWWWOOHOOHOOHOOHOOOO!" which made me jump like a bananna, it was michael actually who tore off the paper thingie too hard! LOL. Also, something really freaky happened during recess. During recess my classmate went to the library, And then he found out that his bag was gone when he came out.So he went to the office to make a report after searching for it about half an hour.So what happened was that the principal found his bag..all the way in the primary side staircase.They thought it was a theft so they went to the office to check the CCTV's.so then they played on the screen, they saw him with his friends going in and him putting his bag on top of the shelf. and when he went in..nothing happened..but after 5 seconds the bag just DISSAPPEARED LAH. and all of them in the room including the principal and teachers were freaked.


Just freaky. Spirits at work or really really crazy prankster?



Anyway.

ANYONE WANNA BUY CARNIVAL TICKETS? IT'S ON 30 JUNE AND ONE TICKET IS TEN BUCKS. LIMITED, 20 TICKETS. HURRY HURRY HURRY TAG/SMS/CALL/MSN/WHACK ME TO INFORM ME ASAP!
That's it for today, Goodnight you fellow strawberries!

Mood: Serene
Listening to: Historymaker by delirous

Just Finished going through 4 chapters of physics and did 3 ten year series chapters.

Topics left:
1.Sound
2.Electronics
3.Electromagnetisim
4.Electromagnetic effects
5.Waves
6.Light
7.Latent Heat

Gonna finish all that in one week! ><

Mood: Excited
Listening to: Take me in by Kutless

Even though midyears are gonna come, i'm really excited because so many good events are coming up!

1. End of midyears (9 May)
2. Pastor Kong's Sermons (10, 11 May.)
3. Global Day of Prayer (27 May)
4. Birthday :D (31 May)
5. Emerge @ CHC (31 May)
6. More time with the CG
7. Red Rain

I just think GDOP is going to be awesome. I can't wait for it! I think it's for a good cause and a good effort, to pray for the world. It's just an event i have to go- It's a contribution i think i can make and i should make!

Mood: Serene
Listening to: Covered in rain by John Mayer.

Well, Staying home's been productive. Finished 4 chapters of physics and 1 physics paper 1, I'm quite awestruck at how much i can do with the appropraite concentration (:

Anyway, Just some things lingering on my head.


It's quite freaky, and i don't understand why people fall in love at such a young age man. It's kinda funny watching people get together and break up for the darndest of reasons, and finally learn 5 years later that love is really quite horrible. I think that being in love at such a young age can seriously mean disaster. (There have been cases of young love really going up to a higher level though. one example is my physics teacher in sec 3. They got together in sec 2. I'm happy for her that she still loves her husband (: But still, most of the time it's usually broken hearts and torn up letters for youths) It's pretty mystifying and eye-boggling to see these people fall in love, break up and make enemies and friends over love. Sometimes i wish i can just go up to certian people, slap them in the face, and tell them: "Wake up! Life's not all about love. What about your dreams, ambitions and future career?"

Well, i guess it's a process in life some people just have to go through. Oh well!



" And you have this phone conversation, and you say, "Can i see you some time?" And she goes, "I'd like that."

I'd like that makes you fall on the floor over and over again. You're six feet off the ground, you're heart's pumping because of "I'd like that." Fast forward three months or so and it becomes "I've been thinking about you" And then six months or so, it becomes "I wanna marry you, I wanna impregnate you with my love!"

It's a threshold (love) that keeps moving up...and they go : "Do you love me?" And then you go "Of course I love you!" And she says "Well say it once..Twice..three times!" And then it crosses a really really intresting point where it becomes, "I hate you!" and she says, "we're over!" And you go "No we're not!" and she says "Yes we are!"

Now the words don't work at all, you're left with nothing. (grins malovently) You're throwing punches underwater, left with nothing. You know what the moral of that story is? (If there is one.)






Never ever underestimate the power of "I'd like that." "

-John Mayer, on the topic of love & relationships.

Mood: Calm
Listening to: Clarity by John Mayer

Just going to move on and keep that faith no matter what. God's moving in my life! (:

Mood: Mediocre-tired
Listening to: Tv buzzing

I'm kinda sian today. No explanation, day dragged on so long. Lit test was fine, i didn't really screw up so bad. Expect a B3/A2. Anyway, had another lecture in class a couple days back. Although it's amath and it's not really like a matter to me since i don't take amath, I just think that the class needs to co operate more. They are not a bunch of barbarians or some idiots dancing around a dead crow. They've got brains and stuff and i think that they all will rise up if they just had the motivation to do so. It just seems that school's limiting everything, Its making me feel very sick of life.

I'm sick of listening to people tell me again and again that i'm very lucky to be in acsbr. I'm so sick of listening to people tell me i could have done better. I'm sick of just being promised promises that never comes true. I'm just so sick of people who dont co-operate. I just need a break..a holiday. I think if i go on, i'm going to mentally scar myself trying. It's like running in a dark room with someone abusing you from every corner. There's a light in the room, but it's very dim, and it itself is harming you. The imagery i used is just 1/10th of what is bothering me. It's nothing major, but i just feel that life is so meaningless with all this going on, and everything is just making me worse and worse.

I don't know why i'm so lazy or why i can't study when i can. I don't know why i do so well for english and math and why i suck in physics. Why can't i just go on and get 75/100 for everything and make my mum happy? Sometimes i'm sick of her too, she just asks too much of me. Whenever i study, she wants more and more and more and more. I don't know why! Although she says she respects my beliefs, i think it's far from it. Inside i think she just wants me to go against my dreams, go JC, get a very good diploma, be a lecturer (like she always wanted me to be in the first place) and earn alot of money. I also don't know why she wants that and doesn't want me to pursue my dreams. Even in religion, although she says that she respects my beliefs, i think that she just wants me to screw christianity over and be a true blue buddhist or whatever. I think she just wants me to do it, but puts on a cover face or something like that. I'm so sick of her and her antics.

I know there's no point in being emo. I know after this post others will come and say, "Bill you gotta trust in God" and, "Bill you gotta obey your mum" or, "Bill cheer up dont worry!" But i just think that i need some practical help..not just words. I don't know what i'm asking, but i just feel that i need help. I'm unhappy and very, very very sick of school, my mum, my subtle religious persecution, and my pressure to follow whatever my mother says.

I don't know what's going on. It's making me feel fustrated and i think it's driving me crazy. I can't think straight and i don't think i can think straighter after tomorrow. My mum always says for me to go to school because after everything, i'll be better. She never believes me when i'm sick, and gets upset whenever i am and never talks to me. I don't know why she is doing this, i'm so very fustrated.

Another thing: Prayer group. I'm even wondering why i'm doing this. I cut down to alternate days because of lack of intrest (No one bothers anymore.) and i'm just thinking of stopping it totally. I know it's against my dream..but four months and nothing's been going on. Nothing at all has been achieved. I feel like i'm killing myself and losing my own faith by doing this.

I'm super fustrated, tired, and angry of life. I don't know why i have to do this and i don't know why i must be with this complicated, perfect bill expecting mum, and this bunch of look-down-on-us-pieces-of-crap for school staff and teachers.


Normally i would end off with a hold the line and have faith. But i don't think i'm liable to do that anymore- I'm just becoming a hypocrite by doing so.

Mood: Pretty awesome
Listening to: Always and forever by Planetshakers.


School was fun for once these few months! Weird i know, but well. It's a good thing i guess, getting the hang of the class. Had assembly in class, something really really cool happened. While i was in there conversing with my christian friends, my form teacher told us about the testimonial we have to do for ourselves and gave us a few examples, one going:

"However, Billy's achievements do not stop alone at school and cca. He has demonstrated very good leadership skills as a youth leader in church."

And as usual, the class erupted in the usual WOW YES AMEN BIBLE ROCKS thing. And so Mr Chiam was like EH SHUT UP LAH and he turned to us and said, "It's just an example, but i put Billy's name there because i know he is a nice boy and a good christian."







I'm like. Wow.






Anyway. Proceeding that crazy assembly was chapel, I could see Mr Ng was really enthusiastic today, attempting to raise the student congregration from the dead. Although the student body this week seemed like standing corpses, I'm glad to see some on fire christians worshipping God in the pews beside and behind me too (: I was pretty like ><>Lit class was fine, really productive. I feel like i'm finally doing some actual serious hard brained studying man! Proceeding lit was a-maths. Prepared my really short message and asked some guys to Sidney's Concert this Sat. Shared my message after a-math to Daryl and Yangsheng, told them of the tragedy of empress of ireland and the concept of living for others. I also used the nail i got from church last fri as a really good reason why we should live for others (:

Anyway, SSH class was as usual noisy and damn retarded. The great thing is that we finished the cold war today and moved on to china. Walked down to Pin Pir's class, and got back my math test results. Not bad! 17/25. Glad i studied.



Tmr's a new day, hope that i get more people for this sat's concert (:

HOLD THE LINE, HAVE FAITH!

Mood: Clear minded
Listening to: Nothing

I'm going to beat carlo in pool i swear (:

Mood: Happy
Listening to:


Yesterday- awesome
Today- Gonna be awesome x2


:D :D :D

Mood: Depressed
Listening to: Sometimes you can't make it on your own by U2


Maybe im being oversensitive. I have so much heart pain right now, it's unbearable. It's just bursting over, and i don't think there's anyone who understands me fully or what i'm going through. The worse thing is that there's just no one out there. I don't know.


I just feel like i'm in a dark room, and i'm screaming for help and just running over and over again with nothing else. I feel so tired and i feel so dry. I don't know why i am doing this to myself, or why i should.

My heart is just so..rended. It's bleeding and scratched..I just want to let everything go and just..leave.

Mood: Serene
Listening to: Babbling nonsense

Woke up today with a freaking cramp in my neck. Ahh. Anyway, school was pretty okay, our CO won gold again.


Gonna keep going for God and gonna keep the fire. I think easter's gonna be great and i'm fasting for it the next few days.

Mood: Happy-Calm-Tired.
Listening to: One by U2


Anyway. Yesterday, I Invited my uncle's family over to church, to take a look how hoGc is like. Feedback was pretty okay! I think he's pretty happy about it, he told me he's gonna tell me more next time. By the way, He bought me a study bible. How cool is that man? Haha, indeed it's a great gift from God and I think it's gonna help me understand the word better and better.

Had a good service yesterday too, Pastor Lia came up to preach after so long, it's good to see her up there on the stage agn (: Preached about the story of the cannanite woman, a woman with great faith, perseverance and courage. I think the sermon was again, what i needed to hear and a movement from God. It seems so appropriate since easter is next week and everyone's bringing new friends. It also answered most of my questions and doubts about jealousy in seeing people rise up, and all that stuff about Rejection from friends! It's really incredible, this service. Well, I'm gonna try my best to live it out and keep going and persevering like the cannanite woman. (: I have a strong feeling, a very strong feeling like before that something really really really really really amazing is going to happen very soon, and it's going to be powerful. Let's hope this powerful thing turns out to be easter! : D

I'm honestly hoping more friends will turn up, and they stay and don't leave or back out like last time. I'm really really praying, fasting and trusting God with this, and i believe that he might do something amazing. He WILL. Friends say that God's moving in my life, and I can also sense that this place is growing and growing. God's gonna do something amazing for easter and incredible for others and myself. I think easter is going to be an amazing service, i can't wait! :D

I'm can feel that this christian walk is going to accelerate soon. I hope that others will come next saturday and friday, and begin that journey and walk along with me in this journey for Jesus Christ.