Life is simple. But people are complicated.
-Tan Siok Bin, My Mother.

I'm really unhappy now. Feeling really faded and sick. Nowadays, I'm trying NOT to get crushes. It's like impossible to love. I'm cold. Why? Maybe i've convinced myself no one, NO ONE, knows what love is. or that they can love. Well, this is my essay, and this is how i feel.





"Everything that has a beginning has an end."
- The oracle, From the matrix.

After everything there's an end and that ending really sucks. Why bother to be in love anyway? That's why some people are over love and maybe that's why i'll never get a girlfriend. Well. I've been thinking, Love is sometimes like a drug? When you are in love it's heaven. When you're away you wanna cry. When you part with it you literally throw your life away. After every emotion of happiness, love, and all? It goes down the drain! Every "Our relationship will last forever..I lurve you so much..I'll never leave you.." ends with "You Bitch/Bastard, you ruined my life." even it's it's a nice breakup, some people just can't get over love. and after love? what happens? You get depressed. Drink even. Take your pillow, shove your head in and scream like a cow. Turn on the shower and just think. Punch your fists against the wall and hope for the better. And what happens? You get over it, and you feel sober. get ready to live life. get ready for the worst. Pessemisim sets in eventually and what do you become? A emotionless cold person. even when one gets over it? what does he or she get again? another relationship, another history, another black mark or a cut embedded in the mind. Suffering over, and over again. And everything in the end? has an end. No such thing as " I love you forever."

"Well, My philosophy. Life sucks. Live with it man. Cheer up. (: "
- Ho Song Yang, Friend and Brother in school.






"People are full of egos..They shit all over the place and expect people to clean it up and like cleaning it..they only know how to make people feel negative..Now you understand why hitler killed all the jews.."
-Tay Yew Chye, My Father.

A friend of mine had a love life. Eventually, love blossomed into a huge part of his life, and he asked others to help him, guide him. I was reluctant, but being a friend, i decided to give help. He asked me for favours, i gave. However. He Boasted and Boasted like hell. Everyone knows about their relationship. He made me like, So angry because like somehow being in love with another friend of mine changed me. Then i thought, Who on earth deserves him? What does he do to every relationship? "Dear sweet love, I'll take you home.." and then? he jokes. he plays. he makes fun. and the feelings of others get hurt. After ego? even people like I get jealous after tolerating. He pricks the depths of my emotional self, and others too. Love breeds ego. and Ego? Is hell. A very good friend of mine, who gave me help in understanding love, said" Yes. Really. And it's like he gets the rights over u and he starts boasting to everyone that you are his girlfriend. This tt feeling is really very good." Well, I understand what she says, but in fact. People like me who try their best to tolerate, stick with nonviolence and tolerance, are turned into crazy beasts. How come such a freak like him can get a girlfriend like that anyway? I'm just a philosophical guy in the world who just wants to live, I'm two years older, know lots of eligible Girls, and why does he get a girlfriend, and i don't? Pride Makes me jealous. I tolerated this three times.

Love = Sweet things, happy and ego.
Ego = boastful
Boastful = Alot of people don't like
Alot of people don't like = Irritation
Irritation = no good
No good = i don't like.





" I will be there for him just as strong as he, will be there for me When I give myself then it has got to be, an equal thing.."
-Tata young, From the song "Cinderella."

Well when things go down i need to pick up the pieces myself..I always learn things the hard way, and literally..I don't think most people care about my life. When i get a girlfriend i will have to help HER pick up the pieces of broken things. help HER do things for her. put her to sleep when she's tired. And once i've done everything i gotta pick myself up too.sometimes love would be "we be there for each other" because most of the time..It's the guy who does stuff..and when it's the other way around she's just "don't worrie okie? <3" They don't really seem to care, and only care about themselves and the diamond rings they get! And the love love? Yes, it's a happy feeling, but well? The boys feel the same, but at what cost? in the end, at the time of the breakup? they will see all these things LOST, and then in the end they go with the presents, Scot free.





"Love makes us act like we are fools..Throw our lives away, for one happy day.."
-Satine, From the moulin rouge.

The aim of love is to get married. To feel that warm feeling inside. What does marraige hold for us? none of us know. I'd like to quote a friend, who gave me an incredible insight, and who woke up to the reality of suffering.
"its stupid to get married. FINE whatever thats a 'childish' thought to some, i think its not. well when i was p5 or something my friends were accepting the fact they need some, love in theirlivesurghcome to think of its sick. ooh, i have a bf! I'm SO cool!VERY retardedwah, Tt girl got bf, she must be chio. Yeah right i especialy hate people who get married and then. divorce, leave the family. its cruel. and they never think about the kids.stupid adults . all they care about is that SLUT. and theyre moneymoney money moneyOOOH LOOK im so rich come on~ \.and then stupid women will FLOCK to that old guy for his money, they ALWAYS think theyre right whatever they do they THINK its right yeah. divorce and hurting the kids are okay.Well..If things happen..we must try ourselves not to make ourselves like that.."The greatest thing you'll ever learn, Is to love, and be loved in return.." I'll never get married..kill me if i go back on this promise.."





" The finality of life, is death."
-Siddharta Gautama, The buddha.

Love is a paradox. It causes happpiness but in the end it all comes down to suffering because there is an end to a relationship. It is so wonderful, You see it everywhere, on blogs, songs, written on people's faces, and yet you think of it it's a drug like heroin, so i pretty much am tempted to take it. Well..I don't know if i should love. I'm extremely emotional..over friendship breaks i just wanna point a gun (yes, a bb gun, not kidding) and shoot myslef..and end it. I don't know how to handle a girlfriend. and after everything I've done for her, helped her, died for her, when we break up? I'll be on top of a building just hanging with my legs there. just waiting.