Bill's blog

2008-10-19T19:11:00.002+08:00

Why worry when God, the being who made you from the inside out, created the world around you, a God who burns with love for you, the God who redeemed you from death, LIVES in your Heart? (:

there are billions and trillions of crap things that go on in life..but what's worth running the race for?

Faith. Hope. Love.

out of everything these three remain: Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of these is love.

2008-10-19T18:43:00.002+08:00

hey havent been posting for quite a while

just want to release some of my thoughts out buzzing around in my mind right now..

In every endeavour, in every work, every opportunity, there is a temptation to slack off, not work hard. Draw your attention to something else. Procrastination.

So what keeps me working hard and going strong?

I got this drive for God..i got this drive for people.

I really have this desire to build on other's lives..develop their inner men, their spiritual strength. that's what i like to do.

on the other hand..

Things in this world beg me not to have a vision and purpose of living out God's dream..working hard for ministry.

Many issues in my life press me to give up trying to be a competent and successful person as a Child of God should be..

Many other desires to stop working, just slack off in class..play msn, get on girls..

But i understand that there's a fear in my life..not a bad fear- but a good fear of God. Fear of losing myself to an ungodly lifestyle. Fear of falling into temptation and being the opposite of what i've become. to have my desires right now and then, and lose everything i have in my future.

Call that a vaunted and twisted sense of spiritual justice and emoness, but that's how i feel, what i feel. what i need to do.

"Serving God is all about a continuous cycle of surrender, obedience and worship."

yeah i got my own personal life on one hand..and an endeavour to change for the better in another.

People will say to me..billy have faith, believe in yourself, God will make a way..YEAH. i know all that.

I know i'm supposed to serve God.

But the thing that troubles me is that i have doubts.

But i know that whatever it is, God is there for me. (:

ANYWAY.

SCHOOL is really cool! great to be back and kicking with the people. : P

anyone up for a class outing?

2008-10-05T02:39:00.003+08:00

Just some stuff from the D20 Blog I've posted over the few months!

GOVISIT - www.d20hogc.blogspot.com

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Billy here!

Acts 20:35 "It is more blessed to give than to recieve."

Wow, these few weeks have been stressful yet amazing. If you guys know i've been helping out in The New Charis Mission: a society formed to rehabilitate, renew, and launch forth ex-convicts in Jesus's name. I've been doing their website and working with them in a project for the Boy's Home.

I just came to a really amazing revelation just now. I had the descision to go for archery tml, but i really decided to skip it although my trial for the competition's next wk. I was really thinking that even though this is out of church, it's God's work and God's foundation..and that i shld put in my best for this as i do for my own ministry back home in Church! and God really put this verse into my heart, Acts 20:35. It is more blessed to give than to recieve.

I realised that serving in the house of God or for God's causes is like really placing our talents as offerings to the Lord. Be it worship ministry, Usher, designing, Cafe, bookstore, Admin, etc, it's all for the Glory of God. It is one way of giving.

How many of you know sometimes when we give our tithes and offerings, we can see ourselves being blessed in money, in faithfulness, in character? Like how some of you have seen yourselves blessed because of your monetary offerings to God, i saw how i was blessed when i really started working with these people and serving in church playing CG! I started to grow in many ways: convictions..character, spiritual awareness on what is right and wrong. I really felt myself grow up in another level in music even though it was just a few wks that i've started playing for CG and a few months i've been taking classical guitar lessons. I also started to grow stronger in perseverance and in the principle of putting God first in my life.

Although the change is small..it is wonderful and amazing to see how God blesses those who give.

Indeed it is more blessed to give than to recieve! you can give in the areas of money..but how about your time, skills and talents? why not place them on that altar along with the other things you have sacrificed as an offering to God? (:

Our lives, His Glory..think about it!

Love in Christ,
Billy

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hey d20!

I just wanna share about reaching out to others!

Matthew 28: 16-24 16

Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

God gave us in the Matthew the command to reach out to our friends and fellow men, not just to make converts out of them but to make disciples out of them! yes? Some of you guys may pause here and think 'wait, i dont think my friends can do the things in church that we do! i dont think he/she will like it here. it's impossible! that thought of them here in cg is really out of my reach!' I once felt like this some time ago in my walk with God! i was so discouraged about inviting friends after i was rejected time after time after time after time for a long time! It really left my spirit down and out.

But God gave me an encounter and a wonderful experience not long ago! i had the priveledge of working the The New Charis Mission, A social enteprise whose aim is to rehabilitate ex-convicts to be competent, successful and good workers for the market, and to remove the label of "ex-convicts = bad" on them! The prisions in singapore commit some of their graduated prisioners there, and the NCM rehabilitates them. It's not just a social enteprise, it is a social enteprise founded on Christian Fundementals. I went to visit them the other day and i was suprised! the whole organization is run like a chuch! there is the Pastor (Pst Don wong) and His PA! there are different groups of workers in there and different leaders in their own ways. Pst's wife, Vanessa, also contributes actively and shares alot like Pst Lia does! They have worship sessions in this little house somewhere in kovan, and they run moving services from there.

I had the priveledge working with Two of these ex-convicts, Marvin and Robin. At first, i thought that they were part of the hired staff working in the New Charis Mission, because they carried themselves very well, they worked great and they were VERY polite! they also were proeficent and skilled in their own ways (Robin in Photography and IT, Marvin in Project Management, Moving and IT!) However, I read their testimony in their newsletter. They both used to commit crimes, theft, etc. I later discovered that woah, Pastor Don himself used to be a convict! But one way or another, God stepped into their lives and Changed them from the inside out completely! Where they used to do bad and ungodly things, God has changed them and put new character in their lives! The transformation was amazing, they changed from criminals to converts, to disciples and sucessful leaders in Christ!

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Galatians 6:15
Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is a new creation.

I just wanna tell you guys that if these people can change and transform in character to become the people that they are, YOU CAN!! I think that many people would have alrealdy given up hope on these people a long time ago, but their transformation in New Charis Mission has shown me and many others that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! Pastor Don didnt take NO for an answer and he approached the situation in a new way. And Here he is today leading this wonderful House of God!

Some of you may feel discouraged but i want to encourage you, dont give up! There is a transformation that is waiting for your friends and family who yet to see the Glory of God! It is a transformation which will change them from the inside out, Mold their Character, renew their spirit, bring joy to their hearts! Like the people in the New Charis Mission, They may seem impossible to change but God has changed them from the inside out! People may reject you now, people may put you down, but you can always pray, you can always sow seeds, you can always reach out again! In the name of Jesus and by FAITH It is EASY!

For His is the Kingdom, The Power and Glory, forever and ever, amen!

Faith & Success,
-Billy

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39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

Matthew 26:39

Hey guys! this is billy typing (=

Yea! i just wanted to share with you guys a revelation that God gave me some time ago while i was in church. It was during Dom's sermon about others can, I cannot. Dom preached a really amazing sermon about surrender and obedience to God regardless of the circumstances. Dom shared about His life and what he had to surrender in His life to God! And what really was amazing was that when Dom and our leaders prayed for us during altar call, God really spoke into my life and told me many many things regarding my future, my descisions and paths to take.

One of these things was really about going to mass communication in Ngee Ann Poly! Taking mass comm has been a dream for me since the start of sec 2. I've always been inspired to design well and produce beautiful artwork. Advertising has always been fun doing, and designing for events has been even more fun! I looked into the Job prospects and i've been amazed at the pay some good mass-comm people get..and i really though that hey! this is my forte and it's gonna work for me in my life!

On that day however, God told me this: "My son, there are many paths in this road that you can take. i want you to take the path that's the narrow road. That path that glorifies me." God then really spoke to me about my future in Ngee ann..and told me that Mass communication was not His plan for me.

It was a hard thing to take in and understand..and i really thought that it was just me thinking randomly. I thought over it again and again..it wasnt rational. It wasnt ideal..at all for me. But how many of you know that God has plans for us to prosper us? (=

I knew in my heart that it was not my mind..bu it was God calling out to me and showing me his plans. After the release of my posting results, true enough, i got into a course in Business and social enteprise!

God has placed me in a class which is unique and amazing..there are many people from many backgrounds in there. funny..hardworking, fun, talented? yep..and one thing i realised is that God placed me in a class that has so many Christians!

I think that it is truly not a coincidence that things have turned out like that. I was reflecting over what would happen if i went into mass comm the other day..and i realised that nothing, NOTHING would have been the way it was..the advances spiritually, the friendship and bonding in class, the New Generation BZSE connect group..the many churched people in Ngee ann.

Yup..and now i understand why God didnt want me to take mass comm! What i want to encourage you guys to keep in your hearts is that God always has a plan for you and this plan will never fail you in any way..God gives us directions and things to obey..sometimes easy..sometimes really hard. Sometimes a small sacrifice in finances..sometimes a big sacrifice in possible futures and destinies. But whatever God tells us to sacrifice and give up..it's for a reason. God always does things for a reason..never to bring hurt to us but to always prosper us! (=

Will you start to serve God by first surrendering the things in your life that needs to go?
Will you take the path that God has set before you?
Will you live a life of others can I cannot?

Again..some of us face these descisions in life.

Again i have to say..it's your call!

Serving God..Our lives. Think about it (=

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

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hello, this is billy typing.

Wow, it really inspires me how Pastor How can preach really well and impact many, many lives even though in this period of time he is really sick and is impaired in mobility.

Matthew 26:39 says:

39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

and Jesus goes on to say a second time and a third time this as well.

44 So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.

Recently, i've been facing so much trials and tribulations in my life, and they came one after another in a period between a few days. They were incidents which really changed my life and affects many things..my future, education, family, friendships, etc. Many times during this period i broke down and cried because it was so difficult, it was just so difficult that it hurt so much, i just wanted to leave home and just be done with the world and everything it had.

But God spoke into my life about surrender and submission..perseverance, love for others and forgiveness. He spoke about surrender and worship..a continuous cycle of worship, surrender, love for Jesus. The Christian path is not easy. God did not promise a road of roses and a big caravan of riches every day or something. He promised us salvation and a path to heaven.

It is simple and easy to praise and worship and serve, but when you're deep in trouble and it's not going well..whether you can keep praising, worshipping or obeying God..is what really shows your discipline and love for God. as once Pst Conner said during festival of praise, "i believe the ultimate act of worship is obedience."

Maybe some of you guys are facing trials..maybe some of you guys ain't really feeling good about things in your life, maybe in family, school, even in spirituality. but what i encourage you guys to do is to really, really during these periods of trouble, see them as trials by God to make you stronger. Romans 8:28 says, "For all things work for the good of those who love God."

I encourage you guys to hold on and just keep holding onto God. He is a God that is mighty to save, as He saved Noah, as He saved Moses and the Israelites, as He saved Mankind, as He saved me..all of us. Wait on Him, just keep waiting. God is a God who will NOT forsake you even though you're in the pits. He is there and will always be..wait on him. He is faithful. He never leaves us, He never forsakes us, He does things for a reason. Isiah 40 says, But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength.

Pastor persevered. Many people in this world persevere through pain and trials..I faced and persevere now. how about you?

It's your call during these trials!

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you expect it to turn out. But well? God's God and you're not..no one else is. What happens now, is what you choose to do during your trials. Will you choose the broad way, or the narrow way?

I've chosen the narrow way on this one..and i'm trying my best to walk the narrow path. I've never regretted my descision.

It's your call. whether or not to stay there and keep loving Him. whether or not to stay in church even though there are trials and tribulations. it's your call. God is waiting to see what you're going to do..give up? or keep going..keep it there. During trials and tribulations, only you can make the descision.

It's YOUR CALL.

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Hey! this is billy speaking, or typing for that matter. yup!

Some of you guys may not know me, so let me make an introduction to you guys about me! Basically, i'm 17 this year studying a course about Business for Helping others, in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. I'm in the Archery club as a competitve member as well.

I used to do alot of crazy stuff in secondary school (Acs barker road), got into the wrong crowd and did the wrong things. A family incident at a funeral caused me to become an antichristian, and i really started to persecute others who loved God. I went on hating and turning believers away for a long long time! One day, i decided to find answers to this religion instead of just hating it blindly. Who was this God? What did He do? why are they so fanatical, his believers?

As i went around, i began to give up on religion and fighting. One day, a girl i met (Zhenghui from D5) really decided to bring me to church! althou i turned her down fiercely once, she persevered and invited me to connect group a second time. This is my experience during CG, a post from the day i accepted Christ:

"I'm kinda freaked out so to speak, because actually on wednesday, My CG leader spoke to me and prayed for me. She told me stuff that's so freaking fascinating to hear out of a person you've just known for half an hour or so. She told me my aims..my struggle in life. What i've been going through and what i've been looking for. She prayed to god for an encounter to make me see things..and at that point in time she finished up and went to pray for others. I was left with differnt thoughts and different feelings till suddenly i had this overpowering, over dominating thought that just potruded out of my mind. It's like someone just spoke inside my brain okay, i swear, I SWEAR. It went, "Put your faith in your heart and in all you do. Don't give up." After church and a few miniutes of contemplation i realised that this voice was god, and i was just touched by him. It's just so fascinating because after that encounter i left the place a different person, a person with less doubts, fears, and more understanding. A person who is cleansed from all difficulty and hardship. It's like being born again, literally. I can't explain why this happens. But it did. The only thing i have to say is that wow, thank god that i went to heart of god church. It's a new experience and a new life, A new everything. New friends, New understanding, new thoughts and actions. A NEW HEART :D I shall tell you people more later! Right now i have to go walk with my dad. Jesus, you rock man.

-Billy just 2 years ago-

So what's my two cents worth about the Heart of God? well..i feel that this church is really awesome. unique, amazing! I'm so inspired to see and know such awesome leaders like Pst How & Lia, Dominic, Garrett, Fifi, Charleston etc, and i truly am pushed and inspired to become something like them: a great preacher and teacher, and spiritual father and mother like Pastors, A leader and friend like the zone leaders, a great worship leader in the footsteps of Daniel and Joanne, & so much more!Looking back at how Heart of God Church was brought up from a home connect group, into an industrial park, all the way into town and here to where we are at singpost..it's been a really really long way.

People have come to this house of God, stayed on and really gave and are giving their best to God. Sadly some guys lost the fire and the feel for such a great place as this and fell away from their walk with God.So sometimes i look back and i ask myself: what keeps me on? What's the burden of your heart that keeps your love for Jesus and Church going on strong? Sometimes i envision myself in someone else's shoes asking myself, "Is it truly worth it, spending your time, energy and money on a place such as this? why stay on?"

It's been a long almost two years since i've stepped into church- and it's really an amazing journey i see in myself too. wow, looking back i've seen myself change from a small, insociable, unopen, angry person, shadowy as a bug hiding from patches of sun, all the way into who i am now, i'm proud to say that i'm a slowly but surely growing, onfire, radical servant of Jesus! Truly what many leaders have prayed for in me and have given me God's words is coming to pass man! and for me, i'm really glad and happy to say that the reason for all this is a God, Jesus and Holy spirit, a true compassionate triune God who's always there for me, guiding me, loving me, touching me, giving His best to me so i can give MY best to HIM.

With all these hopes, dreams and loves in my heart, i really have nothing to say but that i'm glad that God has been working in, with and thru me, and my dear friends and family in Christ, and truly, i'm eagerly waiting and getting ready for the amazing move of God that's going to move Heart of God church into new levels of leadership, Influence, love, to really fufill our callings according to what God sees in us!

That's what i think and feel about hoGc!

The future is amazing..God is within us..truly, it is a season of Faith and Success!
haha. anyone else wanna post their introduction?

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2008-09-20T00:11:00.002+08:00

been thinking lately..

what is serving God?

Serving God is really giving your best to Him no matter what..

When you world falls down and you're dying out there..serving God is putting in the same best effort you put in every service or event into what you do despite your troubles!

Serving God is really doing your best and spending much time and effort on your work even though others in your line of work may upset you..or intefere with your work!

Serving God is really doing your bestest best even though you may feel that there will be no recognition or your work will not be popular..

Serving God is doing the little things with great faith and the big things with the same great faith as well (:

Serving God is a total, ultimate surrender to Him, a continious cycle of worship, obedience, discipleship, listening and change.

It's about good attitude...its about being avaliable...its about having and developing and improving ability in your field of work..

serving God..

Our lives, His Glory! think about it (:

2008-09-18T03:28:00.002+08:00

remembered something i extracted from dext's blog last year!

Pastor Lia said something inspiring to the VBS worship team:
"You will never feel rested. This is how it is going to feel like 9 out of 10 times you go out there."

this is not only true on worship team, but on any other ministry or even our own spiritual lives. there is no rest in pursuing Jesus. in fact, Jesus did not promise us an easy happy-go-lucky lifestyle, but a life of continual submission, surrender, and discipleship.

i've learnt that the anointing of God doesn't just come with a mere praying-up. anointing comes with a holy lifestyle, a humble-and-completely-submissive heart to God, as well as utmost focus on seeking His presence at all times. In fact, this is just the start of my discovery about God's presence and anointing. I am sure there is so much more God is revealing to me slowly. Yes, time with God brings in anointing, but God has always shown me that my life, and my heart determines how much God will use me to convey His presence to the people.

this is scary because my life, my heart and my mind is so volatile and yet the responsibility to handle God's presence and anointing is all on my shoulders. indeed, without a fear of the Lord, life in worship team will be a struggle. and there is never enough fear of the Lord in us, always. i still seek to fear God more. i need to be afraid of living an unholy lifestyle. i'm not fearful enough.

No rest in pursuing Jesus..we serve Him with all our lives and always need more of Him day by day..but you know what? i think it's worth it..to sacrifice our whole lives, plans and dreams for Him!

Now im playing for CG..and all i have to say is that God is worth serving a whole lifetime for :D

I may be tired, i may run out of strength, i may bleed in many areas of life..

But God is still worthy to serve no matter what..king of our lives, lord of all!

I'm glad to have a priveledge to serve God in Worship! (:

2008-08-24T01:57:00.003+08:00

hello.

Today was a quite okay day. woke up to rain and thunderstorms and a quest to find my POSB passbook which miserably failed.

But anyway, i helped out at the ncss carnival today, under the students care center. it's really impressive to see so many charities being attended to - gathering attention - gaining standing in Singapore.

Service today was really amazing..Alot about Pastor How's sermon impacted me to live right and live well. It was about giving leadership to our will in our lives, to really break through barriers mentally..to tell ourselves that nothing indeed is impossible. That there are no barriers between us and what we can aspire to accomplish with God.

Wow, it really inspires me how Pastor can preach really well and steady even though he's really sick and injured and everything. I think that's the true servant of God - carrying on the burdens of the things he loves for the Love of Christ. Leadership to His will indeed..and i'm inspired to do the same to my life, and keep yielding my will to God above.

Matthew 26:39 says:

39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

and Jesus goes on to say a second time and a third time this as well.

44 So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.

This is what God really spoke to me today to, about surrender and worship..a continuous cycle of worship, surrender, love for Jesus. The Christian path is not easy. It is simple and easy to praise and worship and serve, but as once Pst Conner said, "i believe the ultimate act of worship is obedience."

I think the time is coming again to really surrender and prepare my life as a living offering to Jesus. After training camp, after everything..i think it's time to really really serve the best i can in Church and grow in spirituality. I've spent far too much time away from God..and i want to live His dreams for me.

He is faithful. I know that (:

"O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

Our lives, His Glory. Think about that. (:

Hati Hamba (Servant Heart)

STANDING IN AWE OF YOUR GRACE
SETTING MY FEET IN YOUR WAYS
ENTERING INTO YOUR PRESENCE
TO BEHOLD YOU FACE TO FACE

GOD OF ALL HEAVEN AND EARTH
HOLDING ME IN YOUR EMBRACE
UNFAILING LOVE THAT SURROUNDS ME
OH..GOD I STAND AMAZED

MY JESUS, MY LORD
YOU’RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
WHEREVER YOU GO
WANNA BE BY YOUR SIDE
NO LONGER I
BUT CHRIST LIVING IN ME
SERVING YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY

MY EYES SET ON YOU
IN THIS RACE THAT I RUN
NO LONGER MY WAYS
LET YOUR WILL BE DONE
MAKE ME A SERVANT
MY HEART'S EVER TRUE
CLINGING TO THE CROSS
I'LL FOLLOW YOU
I'LL FOLLOW YOU

2008-08-22T02:53:00.004+08:00

wow, its been coming to 2 years in the Heart of God!

honestly, i've got to tell you guys. I'm really amazed at the change i've seen in myself.

GOD HAS CHANGED MY LIFE, AND THIS IS MY PROGRESS (:

-Billy 34 months ago-

sup guys. well yesterday was kinda funny, I had tution at rodriguez..I did litrature with two other partners..Pamela and Leanne, the're quite quiet though. I guess that's just girls. well, nothing eventful happened..though like pamela blushed a bit for some reason, I don't know why. then, I had tution for maths, which was quite intresting, I learnt more stff abt indices..quite uneventful. Oh yeah, I smsed joanne. I don't know why is it that SHE continues to pursue the issue, Cause looking back and bearing a grudge without telling a reason is just, plain stupid. well, I smsed back abt the THING that SHE had to jolly well BRING UP AGAIN.."okay, if she wants to continue to be like that, I don't give a damn. I will go on, helping you and others with or without her. Very well, SHE wants to pursue the issue and not forgive and forget. I think that getting angry by looking back is stupid. Is SHE hates me, I WILL HATE HER BACK! SHE WANTS WAR, SHE HAS THAT STUPID COLD WAR OF HERS. I DON'T CARE, I HAVE MY LIFE AND YOU HAVE YOURS, AND I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN TALK OR HELP TO SOMEONE WHO WON'T TALK, LISTEN, AND IS BLINDED BY HER OWN FOOLISH, INFLEXIBLE DOCTRINE." As siyin said to me, "I will still rock on, with or without her."

Believe it or not! ---------------------------------------------------

-Billy 32 months ago-

Life sucks. I'm at the ultimate epitome of my sianness. Guess how much I got for my a-maths? 15/100. That's Fifteen freaking marks out of 100 freaking marks. How freaking bad can it get? Seriously. and If that's not bad enough, guess how much I got for lit? 9/15. I'm seriously dropping..and Chem? 20/30. It's FREAKING LIKE. PISSEDSHIT FUCKED UP ASSCRAP OUT OF NOWHERE. I'm like in the class with the cool guys, but like results are Fucked up. Damn lah. I FREaKING pay attention to the Freaking teacher, But like. some asshole goes like "(x-2)(x+2) (r+d) Sub in dunno what fucking shit." in a damn fast voice. If that's not bad enough, My mum's slave driving me to freaking work like shit. If it's time to use the word SuperFuckingCrappalisticEx-Fuckin-aledocious, It'll be now.
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.
.
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Fuck.
-Billy 30 months ago-
I am just the most, retarded piece of crap in the world. There's no turning back the clock now it's just like that. So I'm just going off. I'm not being friends with anyone or anything anymore cause it's so obvious alrealdy, that i cannot, do shit. I cannot, be a better man. I'm, a coward, only concerned for myself, and not to others. I'm, a rude person, saying what he wants and nothing else. I, am a idiot. I don't think that i say. and i just say it. I'm worse than Osama bin laden. He killed people with bombs but i hurt people with words and rend souls and just anyhow do it. at least osama has a reason. I just do it out of pure anger. So well i'm just going to go off. maybe delete my blog. msn. friendster. make sure no one meets me or be my friends cause all i do is make trouble and do shit. I'm like, Billy in James Blunt's songs! Well. no use turning back the clock. just move and suffer. I'm looking like a freaking idiot posting thing. I don't deserve to be even like, posting SHIT. I'm a demon deserved to DIE, and I am not worthy of GOD's GRACE or JESUS'S LOVE.
When I jump down, It's going to be with anton cause it's just us who wants to jump down and die, we'll go to heaven and solve the problems alltogether! People will go like "Anton died? oh okay. =)" and like they will ask "Oh..then who is the other guy who jumped down? Is it the guy with no life one? oh cheh, nevermind him lah. Good riddance." And then we'll go to heaven and we'll sit there for eternity and beside jesus and god and the good folks, If not we'll go to hell and die again and again and again with i find soooo pleasing cause i think you guys like me there cause I AM AN ANGSTY NO FUCKING LIFE TEENAGER with no fucking friends and who always wants to die and die and no ONE CARES OR GIVES A SHIT. Fuck all, fuck you, I'm going to jump down, YAY! CONGRATULATIONS PEOPLE WHO WANTED TO HELP ME AND ACTUALLY WANTED ME TO DIE, CAUSE I"M GOING TO! HAHAHA! SPECIAL THANKS TO THE PERSON WHO'S GUILTY IN READING THIS, YOU REALLY CHANGED MY LIFE. I REALLY WANNA GO MEET GOD WHO LOVES ME AND LIKES ME AHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!
-Billy 24 months ago-
I feel like shit okay. I don't know if anyone bothers to read this..but oh well. I'm just so sick and tired of disgusting personalites. I'm so sick and tired of being jealous. I'm so sick and tired of being ignored. I'm so sick and tired of being looked at like a freako. I'm so sick and tired of petty arugments. I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT LOVE. I'M SO SICK AND TIRED WITH HOMEWORK. I'M SO SICK AND TIRED WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE SO PETTY. I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF TUTION. I don't know what to do, i'm confused. I don't think anyone but a few people care.
-Billy 22 months ago-
Okay. 5am in the morning, i just woke up, my eyes are wide open so i'll post. What these past few weeks have been is just pure different. Last saturday i was invited to heart of god church by zhenghui. You know my usual skeptical self, I prepared like WOAH so many questions and didn't even bother listening. Well but the strange thing is that you know the whole atmosphere there is different man. It's not like your normal church-service-sermon-ahh go home Thing, It somehow gives a really warm feeling to people even such as me visiting for the first time. After the whole thing i decided to just screw the questions and just enjoy. It's a funny feeling, it's like at some point i realised that my questions are going to be answered/have been answered. I'm kinda freaked out so to speak, because actually on wednesday, My CG leader spoke to me and prayed for me. She told me stuff that's so freaking fascinating to hear out of a person you've just known for half an hour or so. She told me my aims..my struggle in life. What i've been going through and what i've been looking for. She prayed to god for an encounter to make me see things..and at that point in time she finished up and went to pray for others. I was left with differnt thoughts and different feelings till suddenly i had this overpowering, over dominating thought that just potruded out of my mind. It's like someone just spoke inside my brain okay, i swear, I SWEAR. It went, "Put your faith in your heart and in all you do. Don't give up." After church and a few miniutes of contemplation i realised that this voice was god, and i was just touched by him. It's just so fascinating because after that encounter i left the place a different person, a person with less doubts, fears, and more understanding. A person who is cleansed from all difficulty and hardship. It's like being born again, literally. I can't explain why this happens. But it did. The only thing i have to say is that wow, thank god that i went to heart of god church. It's a new experience and a new life, A new everything. New friends, New understanding, new thoughts and actions. A NEW HEART :D I shall tell you people more later! Right now i have to go walk with my dad. Jesus, you rock man.

-Billy just last year-

Mood: Thinkish-Spirtual
Listening to: Kaoru's Journey I (Gut Guitar)

Just thought over some stuff and i really feel looking-forwardish and happy today.

Yesterday night Clarence called me and he shared some stuff with me about the seven pillars of the church and what we gotta go..and i cant help but think that i've joined a church which is really incredible.

Just thinking of how church progressed over these months i've joined..it's so fast! I remember the first time i came into church..I was hard hearted and rejectful, i was closed and cautious. But yet, the people were kind, loving, understanding, and the leaders who led me always understood my perceptions and helped me go through phase after phase. As the months went past, i saw the church grow bigger..I remember the time when we were 500-600+. I remember my first cell group meeting where it was just Me, Dexter, Clarence, Lynette, Zhenghui, Jieru, Jingfen, Samteo, Cherie, Dawei, and Elieen. Now i look at where we're standing and i'm really proud to see how we've grown..we've got so many new people- Pei Jun, Mu-Ying, Vivien, Wei Hao..and the list goes on. And i'm really happy that this trend is moving on! i see new people who i've never even met coming to church..and i see old members coming back too. Bernice, Alicia and Samantha Yap. It's grown so much from just D5 to something that of incredible spiritual size, strength and nature. I can't help but feel that it's really been accelerating and moving fast!

And i always remembered the up and coming leaders..it makes me proud to see people like Ranford and Carlo rising up into the minstry/leaders area. I remember when i first saw ranford- just a new friend back then..Now he's someone great! A person with a strong faith, a man of God with incredible spirit, love, and he's rising up to be a leader.

I look back and I look at the church now..we're moving to Paya Lebar, things are going up great and rising like never before. I see new people become leaders and serve in ministry..and all this. It just makes me so, so proud to be in Heart of God Church. The love never died out..the growth never stopped. Everything just shot up and really went up exponentially..and it's growing and growing!

Now i really can't wait but look towards the future and take into my anticipating mind the things that we are gonna be doing and what the church is gonna be like. It's a new journey, it's a bigger church, we're moving to a new level of spirituality, and i think i'm going to ride the wave with the rest of the youths and adults in this church, and move on towards the amazing future God has set for us!

The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna
Give my praise to You!

--------------------

The Bill you knew 22 months ago is dead.

Billy died on 1/11/06.

on 1/11/06, Billy died, and was born again.

What else can i say when i see this change? what else but that something supernatural indeed has happened. I'm honestly, deeply so thankful to Jesus.

Love, Billy

Hi everyone.

Woah, looking back on the past years and the accomplishments, milestones and efforts i've made, i'm really happy man.

Significant stuff, 04-07

04-
Gotten into ACSBR.
Started on Publications ACS.
Found my passion in English Literature.
Did web design for Publications.

05-
Topped the class for History.

06-
Rose up to be a leader in Publications, Design Dept.
Did ACSDAY issues for whole of this year.
Did Honours night booklet.
Entered ST competition, obtained merit.
Accepted Christ, (1 Nov 2006)

07-
Helped in ACS carnival 07
Did ACSDAY issues for this year
Did honours night booklet
Attended Emerge 07
Heart of God church moved to Singpost!
Start of Discipleship
Awarded with a distinction in Honours Night
Change of CG - d5->d2
FINISH OLEVELS!
Started serving in Publishing House
Parachute Band Concert
Zone Camp
Major Spiritual Breakthroughs in direction, vision and people
Vacation Bible School
Major Spiritual Breakthroughs in wisdom, knowledge and boldness (Father's Heart)
Team Discipleship
Started Integrating people

-08
Going to serve on the worship team.

haha.

It seems like It's really acceleration! Like Church's vision for us, we really accelerated. from 04-07, everything just went up exponentially.

With the vision this year on leadership, i just can't wait for my life to start taking flight in Christ Jesus.

I'm sure this is going the be the greatest year of my life ever yet.

Things may be going wrong, I may be shoved into places i hate, I may have battles with myself, But i'm sure that that's just God preparing me to be someone in Him.

That Cell Group Leader.
That Worship Leader.
That designer for God.

I live for Jesus.

Me just recently

hahah hey

I was just thinking thru church and the meetings with Dom. eg, the mens meeting.

I'm so inspired to see and know such awesome leaders like Pst How & Lia, Dominic, Garrett, Fifi, Charleston etc, and i truly am pushed and inspired to become something like them: a great preacher and teacher, and spiritual father and mother like Pastors, A leader and friend like the zone leaders, a great worship leader in the footsteps of Daniel and Joanne, & so much more!

Looking back at how Heart of God Church was brought up from a home connect group, into an industrial park, all the way into town and here to where we are at singpost..it's been a really really long way. People have come to this house of God, stayed on and really gave and are giving their best to God. Sadly some guys lost the fire and the feel for such a great place as this and fell away from their walk with God.

So sometimes i look back and i ask myself: what keeps me on? What's the burden of your heart that keeps your love for Jesus and Church going on strong? Sometimes i envision myself in someone else's shoes asking myself, "Is it truly worth it, spending your time, energy and money on a place such as this? why stay on?"

It's been a long almost two years since i've stepped into church- and it's really an amazing journey i see in myself too. wow, looking back i've seen myself change from a small, insociable, unopen, angry person, shadowy as a bug hiding from patches of sun, all the way into who i am now, i'm proud to say that i'm a slowly but surely growing, onfire, radical servant of Jesus! Truly what many leaders have prayed for in me and have given me God's words is coming to pass man!

and for me, i'm really glad and happy to say that the reason for all this is a God, Jesus and Holy spirit, a true compassionate triune God who's always there for me, guiding me, loving me, touching me, giving His best to me so i can give MY best to HIM.

With all these hopes, dreams and loves in my heart, i really have nothing to say but that i'm glad that God has been working in, with and thru me, and my dear friends and family in Christ, and truly, i'm eagerly waiting and getting ready for the amazing move of God that's going to move Heart of God church into new levels of leadership, Influence, love, to really fufill our callings according to what God sees in us!

I've said it before and i'll say it again: the future, is truly amazing! :D

-------------

The past has changed amazingly, and the future is amazing in Christ. :)

The future is amazing! (:

Can't wait!

2008-08-20T16:41:00.007+08:00

I HAVE A DREAM

I have a dream of one day being the best i can and serving faithfully as a Worship Leader in Heart of God Church, to lead people to victorious unity with Christ, to bring down the presence of God amongst the place, to redefine the boundaries of music and love.

I have a dream to be a People Leader in church, to be the best i can to serve others above, beside and beneath me, to develop and change friends and family for the better in God, to rise up and see others live the dream of being God's Children.

I have a dream of being a Singapore Team Archer, to rise up amongst the ranks to become the best, to shoot 9's, 10's and X's in every competition, to ace the rest and show them that devotion, hard work and above all, Faith In God will give you wings to soar high above the rest.

I have a dream of standing in the Olympics and shooting for Singapore, and winning the Gold medal. I have a vision of me and my teamates going for gold in the field, and at the end of the day, standing at the Medal Rostrums, recieving the Gold and standing proud while the Victory Theme plays.

I have a dream of being the best i can to my friends, family and loved ones. I have the dream of bringing them to Christ. I have a dream to see them serving and loving God ferverntly. I have a dream of seeing Ngee ann and barker road, and other school rising up as beacons of light and hope. I have a dream of seeing God's banner risen up upon Singapore.

I have a dream.

2 Then the LORD answered me and said:

“ Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

So what is the vision and burden of my heart? It's to see all these things come to pass for the Glory of God.

That's the dream that i have and the vision i seek.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.

Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.

2008-07-01T02:57:00.002+08:00

I think it's time for a fresh new start in God (:

With dreams revived, faith high, marching on towards the salvation of this world.

I've fallen so far, only to have come back up stronger as ever, with Jesus, God and Holy Spirit side by side, within me, above me, beneath me, and all around me empowering me and loving me.

Maybe it's trials i faced, but all i know..i made it through :)

I made the right descision to call my church a home again!

And it's feeling great living in the spirit once again. like a fresh cup of water to a man seeking an oasis in the desert!

It's like water that keeps flowing and flowing..and never ends. Indeed, His miracles never cease to amaze me.

He, is so real. I know He's real. (:

2008-07-01T02:49:00.001+08:00

And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’

Luke 15:6

This is home

I've got my memories
They're always
Inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I've never known

This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back

Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone

This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home

This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home

2008-06-29T01:49:00.002+08:00

"He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?"

Micah 6:8 (NKJV)

I've been away from church for a month

I've left God

I've shattered my own dreams

I've turned others away

I think it's time to pick up the pieces and start living as a Christian again.

I'm fed up with a life of carnality.

I'm fed up with arguments and hate.

I reject the devil, and his lies.

I'm going for God, and no one is going to stop me.

some say i'm crazy, others say im a fool to go back

I say, i survived through this tribulation, and i'm stronger as ever in Christ the Redeemer.

More than a conqueror, i know i've overcomed it with God.

I'm untying this rope, i'm staying with Him.

29/6/8

I re-commit my life to God.

2008-06-28T21:55:00.002+08:00

hey..

just came back from church.

I know that this is home. it really is.

the home i've been lookng for. yeah.

:) hoGc..i'm staying with you

Im sorry for being such an idiot.

losing my morals..good behaviour. my character, Jesus in me, to the world..

"Others may put their trust in chariots and horses, but we put our trust in the Name of the Lord Our God!" - Pst Lia

2008-06-28T01:37:00.001+08:00

"Return to your own house, and tell what great things God has done for you."
Luke 8:39 (NKJV)

i know that God is speaking to me to come back to His house.

I feel it screaming at me every turn, you've got to come back home!

2008-06-27T18:12:00.001+08:00

from justine's blog

The Weary

Isaiah 40:30 (NKJV)

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

Yes, shocking as it may seem. Even the young will grow weary and will fall. It is not easy to be consistent.

There are times where the mind will tell you, it is not possible to go on. It is foolish to give. It is unfair. It is so tiring to commit and love unconditionally.

That day will come, when you are force to make that same decision you made a long time ago. But will you stay the same? Will you press on? Rededicate your life?

Or will you let go? Give up, put down all the resposibilities and leave?

See, it is never going to be easy to stay focused. Life will never be a bed of roses. And bad things do happen to good people. But how you react to it is the most important thing. Think about it, it is always up to you to choose how you want to think and react. Your mind will always be a battlefield.

Either you stand firm in what you belief or you doubt and let it all go.
It is not easy. It is not easy. But everytime I get discourage and grow weary, I always remember this

"God did not promise days without pain; laughter without sorrow; sun without rain - But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way."
Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)
31 But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

got to find my way back home

2008-06-27T18:07:00.000+08:00

where should i go

2008-06-22T11:28:00.002+08:00

SHIT LA

i feel like giving up on trying to come to church

i dont understand why every time there's something in my way

or what on earth i'm going thru this for

some say i'm going for my friends

others say i'm crazy

i know i dont need them to believe in what's Right in God

but why the hell, do we have to face these bloody obstacles and people in our lives?

HOW DO I GET RID OF THEM WHILE TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK

it has driven me insane since the start of disunity between my spiritual family

everyone's so insecure, so untrustworthy

it's conflicting, i trust them but i do not. i know i have to do it but i dont want to!

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD

I WANT TO GIVE UP, BUT I KNOW I CANT STOP RUNNING THE RACE

I WANT TO LEAVE, BUT I'LL BE HOMELESS

I WANT TO RUN, BUT I'LL ONLY HURT MYSELF

2008-06-14T22:42:00.002+08:00

WOOHOO

1. I signed up in potong pasir CC and now i have a range to shoot
2. Managed to fit my Samick Kit into a good tote bag (no more bulky cartel hahahahaaa)
3. Fixed the nocks (somehow) of my damaged arrows
4. Woke up in time for NUS competition today..miracle

comp today was interesting!

2008-06-12T09:29:00.003+08:00

hey.

Past few days have been tough, been training archery in school..Realised that after i got sick my form and physical fitness went down a huge bit ): Getting used to my samick athelte..still got some difficulty in the control and release of my shots, and well as the tension i get when i start shooting more ends at the field. But still, i'm confident that things will go well!

It's been interesting observing how some of the more experienced archers shoot at SAJC field and school. The clockwork, aim, timing, relaxation and precision in their shots is immense, and rehearsed..can't wait to see how the archers all shoot at the coming NUS competiton this saturday!

Okay, gotta get back to briefing. Until then guys. (:

2008-06-08T20:00:00.001+08:00

i am suffering from dystopia in my soul.

omg.

haha. madness.

2008-06-02T17:52:00.002+08:00

hey.

I havent had a chance to talk about my life outside spirituality, and since im taking a break from studying and i need to get stuff out of my head..why not?

Life since poly started has changed my perception, mindset and thinking a very high degree.

I realise that i was really living in a world spoonfed and sheltered that i took advantage of to the fullest, and i regret that completely now.

Life in school is so much comprised up of projects, lectures and stress that has to a great degree made me understand more of becoming a social entrepruner, but has also made me realise alot of truths in this world that i deem just horrible, strange and absurd.

You can say that NP in all it's nice goodness just plunged me into the end of the deep pool, and i just surfaced gasping for air and wondering why NP's killing me.

Some of my random floating thoughts..

Studying Economics and current issues- I've really come to a slow realization that this world has locked itself in a natural, satanic, self-degratory, dishonourable and self-destroying system, a mixture of Self presevation linked with the great evil and good desires of a human being, Ignorance, pleasure and indifference. And all for the cause of earning more money.

I analyse and process what i see about life and i understand how horrible life is and how destructive it's effects are- but i see that at least i'm doing something great by learning to be a social entrepruneur. Learning the wisdom, the way, the effective process of helping others help themselves.

But still, with great thought and analysis with some of my good friends- i realise that at the end of the day, if we come to a conclusion of life and what we do, we just kill ourselves trying because to a human person, no one can understand fully exept God above why we do what we do and why we see it is worth it.

To me: Social entrepruneur is a smart person using a smart way to help others help themselves and others. It's solving the root of poverty.

our goal is to eliminate poverty- a highly utopian dream

but eliminating poverty is to eliminate ourselves as a cause. we would turn to become the butchering, self sustaining, self-pleasing for-profit organizations as we achieve our goal. and as you know it, poverty starts rising again.

It's because of the damn system..and who put the system in place? ourselves..

I would say now the world has screwed itself over in complexity, but well.

5 things dominate my mind right now

1. God's God, i'm not, He decides the best for the world according to His will
2. I have no power to change the world economy
3. I have a limited power to help others
4. I have to learn to effectively help others
5. Let's try to help others anyway, now.

It sort of goes like this now:

"I want to help a hungry poor man fish, but give him a fish and he survives a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll survive a lifetime.

I learn how to coach a man to be an independent thinking and innovating fisher - He not just survives, he enjoys a lifetime of fufillment and teaches others to be the same- if not better.

Somewhere along the way someone will distort this and people will fish for evil.

But i cannot change it as people have a choice to accept help and use that power for good or evil.

At the end of the day, the world will be in between good and evil, love and hate.

But God dissolves all human boundaries, forgoes any scarcity principle, destroys the economic system and puts in place a utopian life where He is in the center and all things are possible according to His will."

above economic principles and market systems..foolish people, thinking and acting..it's Faith that makes a difference.

2008-05-31T22:31:00.001+08:00

17 years old :)

thanks for the birthday wishes :D

"every day of my life, i will wait on You
You've captivated my soul, my heart flows, rivers of living water"

2008-05-26T01:17:00.002+08:00

hey.

i really miss hanging out in church.

I missed the days before poly, when i just hung out with the people on wkdays and ends

playing games, studying, designing.

I cant help but feel that getting into a routine again, it's just haming myself. I see my spiritual life go down..I can't be bothered to fellowship. I'm going home alone again.

But i'm just amazed. Thru whatever happened..God's still God. Still faithful, still strong
Even when i'm dead in the spirit He lifts me up and renews my strength each day when i'm spent.

Redrain today really rocked my socks off..but it was an amazing experience spiritually.

It's that thing that really reminded me what and who to stand for..and why.

Why i stood strong in the past

Why i stand now

Why i should stand even stronger in the future.

The last post i rmb i was deciding where to stay..

And i think, even thou i'm out of this world and going haywire, that i'm gg to put my trust in God.
I know He's faithful.

He'll come for me.

Where the streets have no name

U2/Redraincover

I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building
Then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

The city's aflood
And our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Trampled in dust
I'll show you a place
High on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name

Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building
Then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do
Our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind
Oh, and I see love
See our love turn to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind
Oh, when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

2008-05-23T10:43:00.002+08:00

hey.

Jeez, i've been having battles in myself agn.

1/2 of me really looks towards the bad stuff in people, the other half really pulls me back and says, "Billy, you serve God. Don't."

Temptation is just so abundant in my life now, i dont know why. Its just so easy to slip away..there are loads of times where i really feel in my mind, the devil is speaking to me : "if you could just take the broad road..it's easy."

"Go after her, she's hot."
"Do it later, you're tired, play some games first."
"That lecture isin't worth your time."
"Just skip it lah, you're tired"
"Give up your guitar, you've got no time"
"Just give up your hopes of becoming a national archer. you'll NEVER do it."
"Your family's going down the drain."

and it's like, 1/2 of the time i'm out there, it just breaks me down and makes me ache inside

But i know for God, i have sworn to serve Him and His House as long as i draw breath.

It's the thing that keeps me going on, yet thou sometimes thru the circumstances i question why i obey God and not slip into human temptation, or why i do.

I'm seeing another stoppage in spiritual breakthrus..and i'm not going to let it happen.

I'm gg to pray my best, serve my best, love my best, learn my best.

I know in my heart..i didn't come up till now for nothing. God led the way, God cleared the way. I see it as He's holding His hand out right now towards me..but i'm hesitating because there's a death canyon between Him and me.

Take that step of faith?

right now, i'm still thinking.

God, it's my life that's yours.
or
Why did i believe in that Jesus anyway?

2008-05-18T21:33:00.002+08:00

Hey.

i really feel amazing these few days, God has really shown me that really, Nothing is impossible with Faith. It's been amazing- Since giving to God, i have been so blessed. So many spiritual breakthrus, amazing experiences.

Woah, i just suddenly ran into an old post on dexter's blog that really impacted me.

Pastor Lia said something inspiring to the VBS worship team:
"You will never feel rested. This is how it is going to feel like 9 out of 10 times you go out there."

this is not only true on worship team, but on any other ministry or even our own spiritual lives. there is no rest in pursuing Jesus. in fact, Jesus did not promise us an easy happy-go-lucky lifestyle, but a life of continual submission, surrender, and discipleship.

i've learnt that the anointing of God doesn't just come with a mere praying-up. anointing comes with a holy lifestyle, a humble-and-completely-submissive heart to God, as well as utmost focus on seeking His presence at all times. In fact, this is just the start of my discovery about God's presence and anointing. I am sure there is so much more God is revealing to me slowly. Yes, time with God brings in anointing, but God has always shown me that my life, and my heart determines how much God will use me to convey His presence to the people.

this is scary because my life, my heart and my mind is so volatile and yet the responsibility to handle God's presence and anointing is all on my shoulders. indeed, without a fear of the Lord, life in worship team will be a struggle. and there is never enough fear of the Lord in us, always. i still seek to fear God more. i need to be afraid of living an unholy lifestyle. i'm not fearful enough.

God showed me a few areas of my heart i need to change. and God said this to me (or at least i felt God tugging at me in this area): "Dex, you want to have a father's heart, but look at your heart now. You are not ready yet." Then God started showing me all the areas I have to work on in my heart and character. He literally showed me area by area. He began showing me things that would make me feel all the things I would feel upset/jealous/insecure about and then He said, "You should not be reacting this way emotionally. change."

VBS was not only about memorizing memory verses (which I think i did pretty well, anyway), or receiving from different Pastors.

VBS was a physical stretch in skills and discipline.
VBS was spiritual breakthrough, in personal life with God and in character.

there is no rest in pursuing Jesus. in fact, Jesus did not promise us an easy happy-go-lucky lifestyle, but a life of continual submission, surrender, and discipleship.

woah.

2008-05-01T21:56:00.001+08:00

hey,

I think it's time to start working hard in everything, not just academics, but in spirituality, outward looks, the right attitude, correct thinking.

It's one thing to be random and fun, but its another to know when the right time to do it.

2008-04-27T03:37:00.001+08:00

woah.

I had a really powerful determined impulse to really give it all our for Jesus these few months, and i really think it's gonna happen.

I'm not going to just live on myself,but your holy spirit oh God.

You are my source of strength, never failing, never ending, always there to help. You rock Jesus, You're the rock of my life.

NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY
HIS HAND MOVES EVERY DAY
HIS POWER ECHOES THRU ENTERNITY
HE'S MARCHING WITH HIS SAINTS
HE'S POURING HEALING RAIN
IN ALL WE STAND ON THIS ETERNAL FAITH

2008-04-21T18:48:00.002+08:00

The woman above is not just your ordinary speaker, Pastor, or spiritual worker.

To me she's someone more than a mentor and director- she's my spiritual mother and guide; my leader and inspiration.

Thank you Pst Lia for believing in all of us, even if we were the people who are backstage, unseen, the regular members, the ones who aern't always in church. Thank you Pst Lia for pouring out your life into building God's house and Preaching His Mighty Word. Thank you Pst Lia for giving me the faith, many times, to start rising and believing in Jesus when the times are tough and the seas are rough, I think that because of you, I have become what I am today. You never ceased to keep us in your heart even though you were tired, stressed and burdened. You never stopped in your walk with God, you never faltered. You've been a great inspiration to me Pst Lia, and i really desire to continue walking, running this race with you, and serving you as a leader. To me, having you as my Pastor, Leader, Spiritual Mom and friend is one of the strongest things that have kept me going in Church, in my life; and i'm absolutely thankful to God that He's placed you in my life. Even though sometimes i feel inadequate, i feel unworthy and unwilling to continue in this walk..looking up to you Pastor, Gives me all the strength i need to pick myself up and say "I'm going to live for Jesus and keep my vision on Him no matter what happens."

So today Pst Lia, I just want to say happy birthday to you, and give you a 'thank you' from the bottom of my heart. I will always continue to serve and stay for the Cause of Christ- Wherever you go, I will keep following.

Happy Birthday Pastor Lia, God Bless you now and forever more :)

2008-04-21T18:42:00.002+08:00

Hey guys!

Woah..i just realised that i've been blogging a whole string of great spiritual stuff i've got no space for telling you guys what's going on in my physical life! haha.

Life has been great! Still trying to get adjusted to the sleeping hours..dont want to keep yawning and sneezing like a bear in class. Anyway, Classes have been just dandy. I think that this course is..more than anyhting, really meaningful and fufilling..even in topics like econs and biz mgt i'm convinced and feeling that this is for something great and powerful for others.

And class! how cld i forget? haha. I've met loads of crazy, insane and siao characters here and there..franciene (i dont know if it's right but please dont kill me if you read this. i have feelings.) amanda, bernice the weird-high-bear-thing, Cheryl Alison Yuqi Bryan Marcus Chuan Yu Cheng Xi Sheryl who shares almost the same bday as me..yeah. and the list goes on!

I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks of school..the load might be getting a bit tough but i'm still living and loving it :)

2008-04-16T18:07:00.002+08:00

HELLO

haha. i'm in school now, and i finished my bloody powerpoint finally!

yayaya..i'm sitting beside bernice amanda and joshua doing...i dont know what. i'm damn sian so i'm blogging! haha.

So how's life in NP? really different from barker road definetly, but it's really fun..loads of more interesting stuff to do. and everyone's really enthu. lols

okay, some daily reflections on what's been going on with God.

- pause -

alright, i'm at home now. yeah, as i was saying..just reflecting on what God has shown me..

I just know day by day, seeking the Lord is never ending, Knowing His face is something we will have to seek forever. But why do i seek His face, or follow Him? Sometimes I wonder myself why sometimes i bother to carry on? why sometimes whenever i am down, or i've wasted a chance, or i've done something wrong, I still keep the faith, I still follow the ways. Sometimes i just wonder why I look in the face of someone i meet, and when I look again i see the potential they have in God, I see what they could be in God's hands?

An evangelist, a warrior, a worshipper, a leader, a teacher?

And sometimes I wonder why i ache in my heart whenever i look at these people and see how they live? How they do in their lives? How they're missing out on the great things that The Lord God wants in them?

I know in my heart that He is real, and nothing since the first day i met Him face to face, has been the same..and when sometimes i ask myself what's going on. I turn and He's there. I know it may sound crazy..but yeah. As the Great God was with Moses..Joshua..Samuel..david..The prophets, Jesus and the Apostles and warriors of His Name..I feel the same God speaking to me, telling me His will, His purpose. Not just 'a God.' but God the creator of the heavens and earth, the son who died on the cross and rose again, Holy spirit the guide of my ways and the changer of my heart.

Sometimes i feel tempted to step out of line, to change the way i think..to just slip away..but God has a plan and what i follow to do it..i'm still trying my best and having faith.

Sometimes i just don't understand why God chooses me and sends me to where He wants me to be, but like Moses..i think it's in the process of obedience..it's then why we understand why God wants us to do it.

I ask myself sometimes why i feel ashamed when i sing i'll never be ashamed of God's words..

But i really keep the faith in my heart that He's building a strong tower in me for His purpose..

When i look back and around me..how i really really see in my heart these people who have come, stood and gone cheering us on..as in heb:12 describes the cloud of witnesses watching us..our friends, leaders and legends who have passed on..i realise that's what keeps me going..not just hype or fun..

I really remember lynette telling me on the day i saw the Lord.."the beauty of Him is that sometimes He's just so vast, so large, so amazing and there's nothing we can do on earth that can make us fully understand Him.."

And i look back on the mercy Jesus gave me..that's what's keeping me going on..

Thru the fire and storms.. :)

2008-04-14T00:47:00.002+08:00

hahah hey

I was just thinking thru church and the meetings with Dom. eg, the mens meeting.

I'm so inspired to see and know such awesome leaders like Pst How & Lia, Dominic, Garrett, Fifi, Charleston etc, and i truly am pushed and inspired to become something like them: a great preacher and teacher, and spiritual father and mother like Pastors, A leader and friend like the zone leaders, a great worship leader in the footsteps of Daniel and Joanne, & so much more!

Looking back at how Heart of God Church was brought up from a home connect group, into an industrial park, all the way into town and here to where we are at singpost..it's been a really really long way. People have come to this house of God, stayed on and really gave and are giving their best to God. Sadly some guys lost the fire and the feel for such a great place as this and fell away from their walk with God.

So sometimes i look back and i ask myself: what keeps me on? What's the burden of your heart that keeps your love for Jesus and Church going on strong? Sometimes i envision myself in someone else's shoes asking myself, "Is it truly worth it, spending your time, energy and money on a place such as this? why stay on?"

It's been a long almost two years since i've stepped into church- and it's really an amazing journey i see in myself too. wow, looking back i've seen myself change from a small, insociable, unopen, angry person, shadowy as a bug hiding from patches of sun, all the way into who i am now, i'm proud to say that i'm a slowly but surely growing, onfire, radical servant of Jesus! Truly what many leaders have prayed for in me and have given me God's words is coming to pass man!

and for me, i'm really glad and happy to say that the reason for all this is a God, Jesus and Holy spirit, a true compassionate triune God who's always there for me, guiding me, loving me, touching me, giving His best to me so i can give MY best to HIM.

With all these hopes, dreams and loves in my heart, i really have nothing to say but that i'm glad that God has been working in, with and thru me, and my dear friends and family in Christ, and truly, i'm eagerly waiting and getting ready for the amazing move of God that's going to move Heart of God church into new levels of leadership, Influence, love, to really fufill our callings according to what God sees in us!

I've said it before and i'll say it again: the future, is truly amazing! :D

2008-04-13T16:38:00.002+08:00

i miss barker days

2008-04-13T01:22:00.002+08:00

I was in church today and fifi was just talking about managing your finances, and i just realised that just by spending on 2 cups of bubble tea a day is gonna cost you a freaky sixty bucks per month, holy macaronized shit.

anyway, Hey.

camp was fine. wasnt too good, wasnt too bad, funny og, funny ogls. normal sth..fun stuff etc, but i was damn friggin tired, i only slept abt 4 hrs before camp started and about 2.5 for each day. okay, so what else..think man, think, dont keep the blog dead..

haha, but looking back it was damn funny, when i first went up to lt20 and met my og i was like, dear God, i said i wanted to serve you and you could send me to do your bidding, with all my heart, i'll go to the ends of the earth for you, but i'm damn sure you got this wrong.

yeah well, He's got a REAL sense of humor. lols.

Deviating away from camp..

Wow, i was kinda amazed at myself for being able to keep faithful in simple stuff i usually was struggling with at the period of time i was having issues with the team. Throughout the camp Holy Spirit really spoke into my life on different issues..and it's not just like another discipleship session, it just covered almost everything in life i was going thru.

One of the really powerful expereinces: I was doing quiet time when the men were out of the bunk, and God was really speaking clearly to me about reaching out to certian people, in their certian places, keeping the faith etc. I really experienced and realised that hey, Christianity isnt abt hype but your personal relationship with God. even in a damn cold camp room, in the supposedly most haunted block in ngee ann, i cld feel the presence of God just as if i was sitting in a service in Heart of God, City harvest, whatever.

What i really learnt was faithfulness and boldness, that being bold for something you truly love for is the best thing you could do, the best thing you could suffer for, and right then God was telling me straight in the face, "hey man, that's the faith i'm looking for in a son like you." And i just felt that I was on my way ascending to be Billy 2.0, according to God's words and promises.

Yeah powerful man! haha

I'll post more tomorrow, got guitar and archery prac tml.

ohyeah,

"It is not a human right, to stand, not fight, while broken nations dream"

So describes bzse.

God be the solution.

2008-04-08T17:16:00.002+08:00

Hey,

Tml's orientation.

Theres 10,000 ways i can take this, in fear, hatred, sin ,Apathy, Sadness, Anger etc.

But one right way thru Jesus.

I'm gg to a new school i dont know about,

I'm studying to a course which im new at.

I'm going into a new enviroment

A new CCA

with new people.

I decide to go to a new school that i'll spread the Gospel in,

Study a course which i can do my best and glorify God in

Go into a new environment to change, impact and save lives.

A new CCA to touch and reach out to fellow members.

10,000 ways to turn away and enjoy, 1 way to live right, love right, learn right.

Out of the 10,001, I choose one way- Jesus.

And today, this is the commitment I make to myself, It's gonna be up here all the time so i can look and remember whenever i'm tempted to turn away from Him.

8/4/8 - Others can, I cannot

2008-04-08T08:32:00.002+08:00

hey.

wow, just reflecting on what i posted from fifi's blog.

IF you put your happiness in temporary things, your happiness is temporary;
IF you put your happiness in eternal things, your happiness is eternal.

A conqueror is when you defeat something and the circumstances around you change
More than a conqueror is defeating the thing even when the circumstances around DON"T change.

What's worth in my life, what do i put my happiness in is the question i ask myself when i read that.

& the past few weeks?

"More than a conqueror is defeating the thing even when the circumstances around DON"T change."

2008-04-07T18:54:00.002+08:00

hey,

week's been really full of ups and downs.

ups:
Really went up another level in prayer
Started doing better quiet times
Things are going better with CG.
Skype
I managed to finally find how awesome is this place (Thanks Valerie!)
I'm finally shooting an accurate grouping in archery.
Getting the next week planned out great.
Looking forward to starting school..

Downs:
Rev Mrs Cho isin't coming on sat ):
Injured my fingers while trying to pull out arrows..
starting to get into rows with mum D:!

Looking at how stuff has been progressing, it's been a damn bloody fast year maaaan..

Hope the rest of the year's going to go great!

2008-04-06T00:38:00.001+08:00

IF you put your happiness in temporary things, your happiness is temporary;
IF you put your happiness in eternal thing, your happiness is eternal.

A conqueror is when you defeat something and the circumstances around you change
More than a conqueror is defeating the thing even when the circumstances around DON"T change.

2008-04-03T13:35:00.002+08:00

I need to stop thinking too much.
I need to stop being so bitter about things.
I need to stop thinking harmful things to people.
I need to stop taking my fustrations out on things
I need to stop loving to hate.

I need to start being a man.
I need to start loving others though they spit on me.
I need to start giving my life agian to Jesus.
I need to start cleaning up old wounds.
I need to start studying hard for Poly.
I need to start designing in a higher level.
I need to start moving myself to 2.0.
I need to start being a friendlier friend to new people.
I need to start taking my sin out and dumping it on the side of the road.
I need to start being more appreciative of my friends and leaders.
I need to start learning how to persevere in hard times.
I need to start having faith in myself.

2008-04-02T14:29:00.002+08:00

Just Feel Better
(Santana feat. Steven Tyler)

She said I feel stranded
And I can't tell anymore
If we're coming or I'm going
It's not how I planed it
I've got the key to the door
But it just won't open

And I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
I don't, I don't, I don't
It goes I never went before
But this time, this time

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

She said I need you to hold me
I'm a little far from the shore
And I'm afraid of sinking
You're the only one knows me
And who doesn't ignore
That my soul is weeping

I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
Everything must have it seasons
Round and round it goes
And every day's a one before
But this time, this time

I'm gonna try anything that just feels better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

I'm tired of holding on
To all things I ought to leave behind, yeah
It's really getting nowhere
I think I need a little help this time!

Yeah
[Guitar solo]

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

2008-04-02T00:58:00.001+08:00

oh my god, i think i just screwed my life up hahaha,

2008-04-02T00:55:00.002+08:00

i have never felt the urge to blog so much in my life,

i seriously freaking think that CERTIAN PEOPLE JUST NEED TO look at themselves in the freaking mirror, and take a look from the freaking inside out, in order to freaking look what they're doing to people and freaking see how freaking stupid they are.

GOODNESS PLEASE OKAY.

sometimes people who just dont get straight to the point and FIGHT head on, take the shit goodness out of me.

bloody, freakin hell

2008-04-01T22:07:00.002+08:00

"life is imba. Use hacks"

haha, so true

It seems like i can't believe how much ppl would do to just feel better.

Anyway, i decided i'm just gg to talk straighforwardly and adopt practical attitude.

It's no solution to what shit i'm going thru, but well, it's just something i feel i need to do.

I can't stand sometimes when we grow up, we start to use the varnish and polish of the adult world- we transform just plain words into eloquent sentences that appear to mean one thing, but scream quietly in your face another thing.

Just hearing the tone of voice and intention behind certian words, it hurts more than just plain speak.

i find so much that, "yeah everything's FINE with YOU around.." (said in a denouncing, sacrastic and irritable tone" hurts ten times more and digs in ten times more than, "You've gotta be shitting me, it doesn't work your way"

i mean, get to the damn freaking point yeah?

Life is so simple, it's just some people who are complicated that makes life feel like having a sumo wrestler beating you up from the inside.

so yeah, to all the people i've hurt and who've hurt me,

Screw you, go and die, it's the past, forget whatever we said and let's move on with life dudes.

I'm DONE with complicated people, and i'm proud saying it straight in your faces.

oh and yeah, wanna feel how we simple-forced-into-complexity people feel like when you guys do it?

LOTS OF LOVE AND KISSES YOU LOVELY SOPHISTICATED LOVEBIRDS
your GREATEST and MOST LOVING friend on earth

Billy.

(haha, the irony, what i just meant to say is go eat rotten macaroni and puke all over yourself and your friends)

I love my life,.

2008-03-30T22:55:00.002+08:00

hey.

This week's service was really powerful, not just because of how awesome it always is, but because how much i realised how church is so God-driven, everywhere, whatever it is.

This week i nearly decided to leave church (i'm not joking.) I really was in an absolute mess, i wasn't on really talking terms with people that much, and generally attitudes were getting on my nerves until i really decided on saturday afternoon that i needed a break.

I faced problems i couldnt really solve,
I met people whom i love and try to love, but i've caused only hatred and plain disgust towards
and i can honestly say that all this really deviated me away from my path with God,
Ministry was really not working out,
& the relationship with God wasn't really going,
I honestly felt that i was spending more time in sin than with my parents.

I really felt that this saturday was the end point (something like a failed titration, the hand of power loses grip of the flask and it just breaks, sending the cautiously balanced liquid out of control and down all the way) and i decided to tell darryl this saturday that i would not be coming back to hoGc.

During service it just felt ironic jumping and praising and worshipping Jesus when i knew that this could be most probrably the last time i'd ever set foot in heart of God.

I prayed to God, He didnt answer, i lost my patience, i wanted to get out during service

The really powerful thing was Pst How's preaching; it just drew me near, and as i listened word for word i realised that thru Pastor God was just speaking so clearly to me.

Attack life.

Have faith.

God wants some things to die and rot, so that at the end He can ressurect them and have that miracle happen, just as Lazurus was raised from the dead.

What are the stones in your life that you need to have removed?

I'm thankful to God that He saved me from leaving the second time, although i've lied countless times of how i'm going to be His servant and never leave His side.

Looking at what's been going on, i've really learnt how to appreciate God and His never-ending mercy. This is where i can really say that It's great to have God in my life.

Pst lia once said that Pursuing Jesus is a never ending, restless cycle of surrender, worship and discipleship.

I've got faith that this time it's going to be different.

2008-03-25T19:03:00.002+08:00

hi.

i just configured bluetooth from my phone to my comp and look what i found! :D

OLD SCHOOL DAYS :D
Starring jiazhen the gorilla!

digging his nose..lol

now we're sleeping..

Now we're climbing! LOL

Weird freaky stain on the ceiling of dad's room. looks like a caveman yelling!

my sis. puffy cheeks

now how did THAT get on my phone i wonder? ( sherlyn >=( )

cool artwork auntie jo did at the office!

OH. and how cld i forget the kfc dinner. see right, Jianfan and JJ were super hungry, and they decided to go KFC and eat their guts out. so they ordered ONE FAMILY FEAST between the BOTH OF THEM. these are the freaky remnants :D

over here..the mass of chicken waste

the many packets of chilli sauce..

so freaky D:

haha smiley face tea! :D

Visited SPH one day with uncle peck ming and friends..this table is just plain scary.
If you find a messier table, i'll give you 20$. this is the messiest, most disgusting table i've seen in my LIFE

more to come! i have to go study econs now D:

I AM NOT MAS SELAMAT!!!!!

2008-03-24T01:32:00.001+08:00

shit lah, school is starting

I AM NOT MAS SELAMAT

2008-03-17T19:40:00.001+08:00

I'm glad to have God in my life.

2008-03-04T18:31:00.002+08:00

how many of us can say, "even when my world falls i will say, above all, I live for His glory?"

and really mean it?

I'm not being jaded, but this just crossed my mind.

So how many men and women can really say this in front of our faces and do it?

It's painful to see friends, brothers and sisters being outright hypocrites.

the most painful one is myself.

hm.

2008-03-03T13:35:00.003+08:00

hi.

I never knew registering for school was so tough.

I'm drowning in a midst of forms and going-to-be-spent cash D:

haha. Anyway, this week's service was awesome. I can really feel and experience e Holy Spirit flowing in e church..when it's the season for friends to come to God we all feel e same thing and do e same things..when it's e season to get back to basics we flow too. It's truly, truly what the bible says about rivers of living water..from the top to e bottom, Pastors to members, the river flows and courses the same very fascinating way.

and with the church vision the beginnings of leadership and Pastor's teachings of Living, Learning and Leading, i can envision a future that in the end of this year, all of us would have really gone up a whole new level in faith, spiritual power, wisdom, stature, and with favour with God and men.

I really can sense in the time to come,the future as it is will be incredible for this church, it's indescribrable in words. You've heared that a picture can paint a thousand words, but i think that not even a thousand pictures can paint e future what church is going to be.

2008-02-27T22:57:00.002+08:00

Hey.

update on my life..fax incoming..wwooot

okay that was random. haha.

Spiritual life is up :D
It's feels great to be back with God again. You know how it feels like when you've been away for years, not knowing if a certian friend is still angry at you, but when you come back the person's there, she smiles at you and everything great? Yeah :D

Living with God's like..living with dad. He's always there for me, but it's always my desicisions that really affect what's going to happen. Dad wants the best for me, but i've got to give him my best now so he can give me His best. same with God :)

And it's a great development to know God more as a friend. haha.

Work?
Well, i'm still working, and it's been pretty okay. Mum says i'm gg to train e new part timers and sth..dont get why michelle can't do that. she's been working for years, i've only worked one! Anyway, hope the new applicants turn out alright.

Church
Still brainstorming on the love project..should do something loving for our leaders and friends in church!

2008-02-25T18:58:00.002+08:00

hey.

I'm blogging in e middle of vivo city. lols.

Testing out e wireless thing in uncle peter's laptop..

Okay. Sunday and saturday..service was quite good. The message on love was great, it relaly inspired me to love others with e love of Jesus and really go all out to express it. Pastor was almost raving about santana man! Pastors, Daniel and Ian went down to e concert as well. I think it was no coincidence..a really great night :) Even the WT was inspired to play a santana-style intermission song during offering!

I've got a plan: I'm gg to buy a cross for the friends i know, using e money i earn working.

It's gonna be expensive, but loving others in the 9 ways is what this life is truly about- i wanna learn how to love in all these ways all over again.

I think that in the case of shopping- shopping for the ones you love really makes the difference. it really encapsulates the experience of love in action into an item..

After what Pastor preached, i'm really inspired to take this up to a new level.

anyway. ineedsleep D:

BYE

2008-02-25T00:51:00.001+08:00

teach me how to love like you do, God.

2008-02-22T10:07:00.003+08:00

I need to slip less and spend time with Him more. goodness.

you know e feeling that sucks when you resolve bot to do something, and then 5 mins or 1 day later it happens? yeah. It's been happening over and over agn.

God changes me from the inside out

2008-02-19T12:09:00.002+08:00

"im not sure where i'm going after this, acjc or anything else, but i guess that wherever I - We all go, God puts us there and that's where we belong"

-Sean Gwee

2008-02-17T13:00:00.002+08:00

Home life

What do you do when you wake up?
sleep

Do you drink coffee?
yeap

Do you clean your house?
at random times.

If so,then what room is the easiest room to clean?
Bathroom! (thanks to e BM experiences :D)

Whats the hardest room?
Dad's. -.-

Do you have siblings?
yeap!

If so,how many?
2

What are their names?
Yuepeng, Fangting

Do you like your siblings?
yeah. haha

Do you get along with your parents?
sometimes. most of e time.

Do you bond with them?
not really. no time

How many pets do you have?
none

What kind of pets do you have?
none

Which pet is your favorite?
none

School life

Do you go to highschool,middle school,or college?
Polytechnic. YAAAAARRHHHH! :D:D:D

What is your favorite class?
I dont know yet.

What do you have 6th period?
Its a random timetable.

Who do you hang out with the most in school?
I dont know yet.

Whos locker are you next to?
I dont know yet.

Do you have any of your friends in your classes?
I dont know yet.

Do you take the bus or do you get driven?
I dont know yet.

Are there labled groups in your school?
I dont know yet.

If so,what group lable is yours?
I dont know yet.

Do you get detention often?
No detention in poly

Have you ever been in a food fight during lunch?
I dont know yet. (hope so :D)

Do you hate your teachers?
I dont know yet. hope not!

Are you an honors student?
I dont know yet.

Social life

Whats your favorite place to hang out at?
Church. :)

Do you go to the mall often?
City hall area, peninsula plaza. e ulu malls where the lan people or the guitar people usually hang out

Are you on the computer 24/7?
almost. :)

Are you on the phone 24/7?
nope. my ears would shrivel up and die!

Do you go to parties often?
Nope.

What are your hobbies?
Worshipping, Playing Guitar, Chatting, Playing online games, Reading.

Whats your favorite hobby?
Worshipping :)

Are you good at it?
No gauge of good or bad.

Do you listen to music offten?
YES

Do you have AIM?
nope. msn.

If so,whats ur sn?
((ZONE-D)) Billy - I AM WELL : D

Do you gossip?
nope. dont want to.

Do you care more about your social life more than you do about school?
Unanswerable

Do you moslty socialize with your friends?
yep :)

Friendship life

Who is your best friend?
God.

Which friend calls you the most?
Krisfu. lol

Which friend IMs you the most?
Kayla!

Which friend understand you the most out of all ur friends?
God. :D

Which friend is funniest?
WHANG YIHANG. LOL ( I hope your children no backside )

Which friend is quiet?
Pearlyn

Which friend has a temper?
It's mean to write labled, bad things abt people >:(

Which friend is the girliest?
Song. hahahahaaa

Which friend cheers you up the most?
Prolly kris?

Which friend has the lowest self-esteem?
It's mean to write labled, bad things abt people >:(

Which friend is honest?
God!

Which friend holds a grudge for a while?
It's mean to write labled, bad things abt people >:(

Which friend is the loudest?
Exeption: this is a joke. Ezra Freaking Lee. :D

Love life

Do you have a bf/gf?
nup.

If so,whats their name?
n.a

If not,are you crushin?
yep.

Do you believe in love?
Yes. John 3:16

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nup. thats lust.

Do you fall for ppl because of their looks?
nope.

Do you hook up with ppl on the internet?
thats pervertic.

How many bfs/gfs have you had in your entire life?
undiscolsed

Have you ever had your heart broken?
yeah

Have you broken a heart?
yeah.

Have you been cheated on?
nope.

Have you cheated?
nope.

Do you think sex matters more?
NO.

Have you ever made out?
no.

Image life

What color is your hair?
brown

What color are your eyes?
brown

What kind of clothes do you wear?
Depends. Common jeans, wacky tshirt.

Are you punk?
nope

Are you preppy?
what the hell is that.

Are you gangster?
nah

Are you goth?:
NO

Are you a jock?
no

Are you a nerd?
NO

Are a head banger?
nope

Whats your nationality?
singaporean

Do you have small or big eyes?
small

Are you a girl or a boy?
guy

Personality life

Do you think your nice?
Okay.

Do you have a bad temper?
yeap. demonic incredible anger from the depths of hell! ROOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

Are you helpful?
okay.

Are you depressed offten?
sometimes.

Do you have attitude?
in a way.

Do you get along with alot of people?
try to. :)

Do you hate alot of people?
not really.

Are you flirty?
Do i look like a flirty person?

Do you have an ego?
normal sized

Do you pick on people you don't know?
no.

Would take a bullet for the people you love?
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. -1 John 3:16

2008-02-16T20:01:00.003+08:00

It sucks being sick.

Yesterday = most unlucky day ever

Couldnt sleep, 2 hours sleep.
Flu Symptoms
Drank Water and took panadol.
Puked.
Fever.
Bathed.
Slept with no sleep
Went hospital.
Waited damn long for my turn.
Went out to barker, tripped and sprained my leg.
Puked after dinner.
Went back home to rest.
Fever.
Couldnt sleep.
Puked.

Jeeeeez..I feel like i'm having stomach cramps and a total hangover..someone call me please

2008-02-15T15:40:00.001+08:00

No one's gg to stop me from loving God.

Even thru the hard time i'll praise His name because i know that God is greater than any circumstance. <3

2008-02-13T02:22:00.000+08:00

hey,

I just have alot of pressure blotted up inside my soul, and i really wna explode.

1) i cant stand working in a team where the team members have issues with each other.
2) i want a team which can work together and work hard for a great Godly cause.
3) i want to stop sinning so much and keep going higher in spirit.
4) i want to make quiet time really regular.

over the four things, i'm stressed out by the teamwork, and i have no idea how to solve it.

I'm sick and tired of myself being such a fool, of such an imperfect person to work together.p

I just wna stop all the coldness and nonsense and start living in peace agn.

I'm really fustrated, but i dont want to confront you

you know who you are

stop being cold please, and start working together

you're too distracted in your work, i think you've forgotten the presence of God

I think you've forgotten that people aren't perfect and as effiecient, or Godly as you, and i think you've forgotten that every person has his/her flaws.

WAKE, THE HELL UP TO THE REALITY THAT THE WORLD IS JUST NOT PERFECT FOR YOU

now, just stop being cold, GET IT?!

I want to live peacefully

I've set aside my problems and differences with you

I'm ready to start again

AND YOU HAVE TO JUST FRICKIN IGNORE, PUSH ASIDE MY EFFORTS TO TRY TO AT LEAST RESTORE SOMETHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR IN OUR GROUP

Please, Please, please just stop being like that.

I dont hate you, i despise and really think your coldness and holier than thou attitude sucks worse than shit.

JUST DONT BE COLD GET IT?

freaking, freaking fustrated and ravaging for the first time in a long time.

I feel like chopping off heads with a machete. dammit!

hiya.

2008-02-12T11:51:00.000+08:00

Some choose to study.
Some choose to slack.

Some choose to fall in love and devote thier best years of their lives to their interests,
or to each other

Some think that fighting is the way

Others think philosophy and peace is the way

Some choose to seek other religions and cults,

others choose to seek strength in themselves.

Some choose to be doctors, lawyers, engineers,

Some choose to be reporters and cameramen,

Some choose to be the best they can.

I choose to live for Jesus.

Because inside, beyond personal benefit, i know that obeying God is the best thing to do so that i can live the great destiny He has for me.

I wna be His priest and pastor,

His worshipper and warrior.

What do you wanna be?

2008-02-11T01:04:00.001+08:00

Hey!

I'm gg to post abt my life. It's been so great man, 100% thanks to God!

Well, i'm out of barker road and frankly, it feels different. i've grown on the place and i really feel i wanna be there again, studying at another level.

Miss the teachers, e enviroment and the school..Mr Ng, everyone.

It's been some time.

Well, as they say, once an acsian, always an acsian.

Cny has been quite cool..everyone's making noise about my hair since it's dyed. lols. Visited alot of people, including my grand uncle and John Lau, One of my dad's friends.

His place is the best i tell you. Imagine with me, White marble floor, a smooth wooden look, comfy sofa and clean house, airy, open doors with water just outside, plus a garden beyond. The best, wireless speakers with a great collection of jazz music and hits?

I've fallen in love with his place man. Wouldn't mind living there!

After hanging out at John's place we went over to Peck Ming's office in the Buisness times..man, i've got to show you guys a picture of this guy's table. It's messy to the full, you won't be able to imagine how full it is. Toured around..it pretty much looks the same like the rest of the SPH offices. Feels homely. Almost wouldnt mind working there in attatchment, it seems fun along with the work and stress :)

Winnie fetched me down to clementi..took mrt to church for the reunion dinner. it was quite cool! met up with D2&4..Shot a few pool balls with Da Wei and Rach, helped CO and the army guys around with sth. Dinner was cool, but packed. It was great fellowship man, i'd remember the orange eating contest anyday.

I'm gna end off here i think. Feel like hitting Photoshop and making a blogskin.

"Mentally Challenging, CNY. Only the superhuman are not sick, tired and full after the whole ordeal." -Billy Zheng.

Don't you just love creative juices?

I'll post agn tml. got some inspiration going

2008-02-07T07:44:00.000+08:00

Free

I'm feeling feel fine
'cos there's nothing that I want to change
I'm right on time
for the atmosphere to rearrange
'Cos I've got wings so watch me fly

And I'm free to be the man You want me to be
I'm alive when I'm alive in You
And I'm free to be the one You said I could be
I'm alive 'cos You're alive, I'm alive when I'm alive in You

Lord, you’ve let me see
I need strength to let You carry me
And love was right on time
When faith and hope were on the line
And I've got wings so watch me fly

And I'm free to be the man You want me to be
I'm alive when I'm alive in You
And I’m free to be the one You dreamt I could be
I’m alive ‘cos You’re alive, I’m alive ‘cos You’re alive
I’m alive ‘cos You’re alive in me

You’re all I ever want
You’re all I ever need
It’s all I ever want
To be free

Free to be the one You want me to be
I'm alive when I'm alive in You
And I’m free to be the one You dreamt I could be
Free
I'm alive in You

2008-02-04T11:07:00.000+08:00

wow,

Zone meeting and services have been really awesome.

Even thou i k.oed on one session..I feel that God really spoke into my life and told me it's gg to be another round of surrender before I go up to levels like these.

Another round of surrender?

no i cant.

Can't is not a word in my vocabulary anymore.

I think that it's better, His will be done than mine.

I'm not content living my own life.

I'll never be content living my life now.

I'm at this stage where i'm saying, God, God, I want more of You.

I knw that i'll never be satisfied.

But i want more and i'll do whatever it takes.

The spiritual hunger and that real genuine presence of God, It just reminds me to keep surrendering bit by bit.

God is amazing.

2008-02-03T10:31:00.000+08:00

I know God loves me.

Morethan i know. (:

Only one way to see it!

2008-02-01T13:43:00.000+08:00

Chinese new year.

A tradition?

I see it as a chance to reach out.

2008-01-30T04:08:00.000+08:00

wow,

God really showed me the meaning of power.

These few weeks, blessing after blessing after blessing after blesssing just comes and comes..from one single prayer, God gave me what i needed right now and then.

I learnt to be faithful and to believe in belief.

I learned how to have faith in having faith.

It's this undeniable, unbreakable continuum that is formed between me and God.

I can't deny anymore, that My God does everything, abundantly, above all i seek.

I see things beyond people, it's just so amazing.

It's not how pretty or ugly they are, not how smart or stupid, it's not for me to decide anymore, what matters is their spiritual lives.

Do they have God?

I'm just beginning to go up another level, and it's awesome.

I'm gg to be in higher places. I'm gg to face higher temptation.

But i'm gg to stay strong and guard my heart,

and resist the devil.

Im gg to know more abt God thru the heart, and really live for Him.

I'm happy with the joy of the Lord, I really feel it inside me.

And i'm burning with a fire in my heart i can't understand but yet feel pleased by.

I feel that it's gg to move fast and move hard, very soon.

It's going to move up to a new level again and again.

Fifi told me today: "This is only the start. You thought you cld never be someone great, or someone powerful, But i'm telling you it's Possible and God wants you to know through all this that it's possible."

"Open up your heart to Him. Know Him through the heart.."

"Have Faith."

I believe in God, Jesus and Spirit.

And I have faith and peace in my heart that God's going to bring me up to a new level.

no more emoness

no more chaos in my life

just worship, praise and love

and out from the bottom of my soul i'm gna build up a great foundation

on in a house and a rock of mine which i will use to serve and protect God's people

on that foundation will be a pillar which i will stand to hold up the anointed Godly Leaders of our time.

It's no longer that soul inside that takes control, but the spirit of God inside directing my paths and using my body.

I had enough of myself.

I'm going to open myself to Jesus for Him to kill me,

And i'm gna let him burn up the parts of my life and let Him live inside of me.

from now onwards, no compromise for Christ, forever and ever and ever.

Enough of Billy,

It's Christ that lives inside this body.

Its not going to be defeat,

but victory, after victory, after victory, after victory

BECAUSE
GOD IS
WITH ME!

I can truly, truly say now,

that I live for Jesus.

I live for Jesus.

I LIVE FOR JESUS!!!!!

2008-01-26T03:00:00.000+08:00

I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid of critisism because I know i'm secure with God.

I'm not afraid of the future because I know God has it planned.

I'm not afraid of need because my God will supply all my needs according to his riches and glory.

I'm not afraid of waiting because those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength and soar.

I'm not afraid of exams becuase they don't stop me from living God's destiny and plan.

I'm not afraid of satan because God is with me and he is just a plain, lie-speaking coward.

I'm not afraid of backstabbing because i know God goes beyond any backstab, any issue.

I'm not afraid of hell, God is greater than anything in this world.

I'm not afraid of death, God gave me eternal life.

I'm not afraid because God is with me.

and will be with me always,

"lo, even to the end of the age."

I'm not afraid, because I live for Jesus.

2008-01-26T01:06:00.001+08:00

I'm passion-less

But peaceful.

I knw that it's taken care of, my future.

Because,

I live for Jesus.

2008-01-25T01:43:00.000+08:00

wow, i got 15 points.

15 points can go many places.

15 points can go JC.
15 points can go MI.
15 points can go Poly.
15 points can go Army.
15 points can go overseas.
15 points can go nowhere.
15 points can go somewhere

But i choose, my 15 points to Glorify God.

2008-01-24T10:04:00.000+08:00

Hi,

I don't care if i do badly,
I don't care if i do well,
I don't care if i do moderately.

All i care abt is that when i recieve that results

Is that i'll keep rmb that it's God's plan.

And i'm gg to use it to glorify Him no matter what it is.

Even if my world falls I will say, Above all, I live for your glory.

I wonder how it'll be.

I guess i'll find out today.

I LIVE FOR JESUS!

2008-01-19T13:35:00.000+08:00

Hi.

Some stuff that's been gg on in my mind these few days.

I just noticed a big Change.

For me, it's no longer about me being happy.

I just realised that if there's something God needs..i tend to move towards it more than succumb to my emotions and the concience.

:)

I was doing BM yesterday, cleaning the church, and i was in the toilet filling the pails, & during that time pastor How came over and had a little chat with me.

Even thou it's just a ten sec thing, i really learned that pastors do care and really go the distance for us.

Even if it's a stressful conference and people are everywhere, They take the time to talk to the regular members of the church, to give words of life, to spur us on.

I really am happy to have such a spiritual father and mother as Pst How & Lia, understanding, caring, teachers.

It's such a destiny God's given me.

I can't deny it!

That second of how i knew Zhenghui, the girl who wld bring me to church

The freak accident that we became friends,

How i became antichristian in my earlier years,

How i came over so many bad testimonies in God,

& How she invited me to the heart of God,

It's no coincidence, It's a plan (:

God's plan.

Although today i'm tired and exhausted, I've failed in duty time and time again, I've screwed up so much stuff,

I can't help but say that God's such a great God.

Loving, caring, seeking the best for us.

I'm gg to surrender all to Him over again.

It's time to fly.

I live for Jesus.

2008-01-18T07:47:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO!

Oh man. It's great! I managed to learn crazy!!! XDDDDD

alright man.

It's gonna go all for the Glory of God!

I live for Jesus.

2008-01-16T19:26:00.000+08:00

alright.

no more emoness
no more chaos in my life

just worship, praise and love

and out from the bottom of my soul i'm gna build up a great foundation

on in a house and a rock of mine which i will use to serve and protect God's people

on that foundation will be a pillar which i will stand to hold up the anointed Godly Leaders of our time.

It's no longer that soul inside that takes control, but the spirit of God inside directing my paths and using my body.

I had enough of myself.

I'm going to open myself to Jesus for Him to kill me,

And i'm gna let him burn up the parts of my life and let Him live inside of me.

from now onwards, no compromise for Christ, forever and ever and ever.

Enough of Billy,

It's Christ that lives inside this body.

Its not going to be defeat,

but victory, after victory, after victory, after victory

BECAUSE

GOD

WITH

ME!

I live for Jesus!

2008-01-15T11:49:00.000+08:00

I had enough with myself

These battles inside my own head are destroying my state of mind, I'm becoming nothing more than a hinderance to people, a piece of meat bent on 'serving' with a tired, weak stupid attitude.

Since when did i become so mindless?

I hate, and love myself, Because i've come this far, because ive screwed up so many things, because i'm too emotional, becuase i'm too siao, because i'm socially inept.

I wld just scream out to the world. Just why, why was i made socially crazy?

I hate and love people, I detest, yet im attracted to them. There's this thin line that really stands between love and hate

And recently it's been going down to hate and really tearing my melancholy eyes into pieces

I cant Sleep

I've been eating more

I've been taking out my stress on the comp

It's because of myself?

Everything was going so well until i stepped in

D2 in itself.

I dont know.

shit. I need to stop thiking like this. God please help. help.
I need to be less voliatile.

I know God is there.
I know He can change me.
I know that this can be resolved.

I need to watch it.

Is it going back in itself? I'm becoming emotional agn

I wld just love to say i'm defeated and lie dead and finish the race right now

2008-01-14T21:46:00.000+08:00

((ZONE-D)) - sent 1/14/2008 8:29 PM:
sure! THANKS

((ZONE-D)) - sent 1/14/2008 8:29 PM:
BYEBYEEEEEEEEEEEE

((ZONE-D)) - sent 1/14/2008 8:29 PM:
YOU DIDN'T WAIT FOR ME TO SAY BYE!

((ZONE-D)) - sent 1/14/2008 8:29 PM:
): <

((ZONE-D)) - sent 1/14/2008 8:29 PM:
bb8

Don't you just love Valerie Han! :D

2008-01-11T02:27:00.000+08:00

Let's fly.

2008-01-06T21:10:00.000+08:00

I just really am in a limbo of emotions.

I'm tired but i cant sleep.

I'm worried but comforted.

I'm happy and sad.

I feel really sian about school tomorrow,

But it's just one thing that's really standing out and it's really pushing me on: It's that Innova Junior College is not just another place where i will study; It's where i can be a light to people. It's where i can finally say to Jesus, this is where i want to be your light.

What spurs me on is the sight that one day innovians beside me will be in Heart of God church raising their hands and lifting Jesus.

Even though i'm in for the first six weeks, I'm going to make the best of the best of it i've ever made of time in my life..

I'm gonna go in there and bring people in.

It hurts, it sucks and i dont like it in there.

But God showed me the way.

"Who will i send? Who will go for me? To the ends of the earth, who will rise up for their King?"

& This is the absolute cry of my heart from the inside out:

"Here I am Lord, send me. Lord, where You go or whatever You command I will follow, even to the ends of the earth. To my death will i go, to the deepest place or the highest mountian, to the best and worst places in existence. I will go for You becuase you are my Lord, you died for me, you forgave me, you showed me the way, you blessed me, you suffered for me."

Just say the word Lord, say the word..

That's just what i want

I dont want peace

I dont want rest

I dont want money

I dont want a girlfriend

I dont want glory

I dont care what others say or think

I dont care what i go through or what JC or poly or workplace i go

At the end of the road

I just want to see that i've done everything i can do for others

and that everyone i see

is saved in the arms of my Father God Jesus

I want to serve my King

I want to worship Him

I want to hear Him say at the end of every day, "Hey Billy, you did it. You ran the race you kept the faith, you fought the good fight. Well done my good and faithful servant."

and i just want to hear six words from my loving God..

" well done son. I love you. "

2008-01-05T13:27:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone.

Woah, looking back on the past years and the accomplishments, milestones and efforts i've made, i'm really happy man.

Significant stuff, 04-07

04-
Gotten into ACSBR.
Started on Publications ACS.
Found my passion in English Literature.
Did web design for Publications.

05-
Topped the class for History.

06-
Rose up to be a leader in Publications, Design Dept.
Did ACSDAY issues for whole of this year.
Did Honours night booklet.
Entered ST competition, obtained merit.
Accepted Christ, (1 Nov 2006)

07-
Helped in ACS carnival 07
Did ACSDAY issues for this year
Did honours night booklet
Attended Emerge 07
Heart of God church moved to Singpost!
Start of Discipleship
Awarded with a distinction in Honours Night
Change of CG - d5->d2
FINISH OLEVELS!
Started serving in Publishing House
Parachute Band Concert
Zone Camp
Major Spiritual Breakthroughs in direction, vision and people
Vacation Bible School
Major Spiritual Breakthroughs in wisdom, knowledge and boldness (Father's Heart)
Team Discipleship
Started Integrating people

-08
Going to serve on the worship team.

haha.

It seems like It's really acceleration! Like Church's vision for us, we really accelerated. from 04-07, everything just went up exponentially.

With the vision this year on leadership, i just can't wait for my life to start taking flight in Christ Jesus.

I'm sure this is going the be the greatest year of my life ever yet.

Things may be going wrong, I may be shoved into places i hate, I may have battles with myself, But i'm sure that that's just God preparing me to be someone in Him.

That Cell Group Leader.
That Worship Leader.
That designer for God.

I live for Jesus.

2008-01-03T03:43:00.001+08:00

JESUS SAVES,

GOD LOVES,

THE HOLY SPIRIT MOVES!

GOD THE TRINITY, THREE IN ONE

SAVING,LOVING, MOVING FOR US FOREVER MORE!

:D Happy new year!

2007-12-27T00:10:00.000+08:00

im facing problems but i'm pulling up my socks. (:

2007-12-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

why cant people just get along

love your neighbour as yourself

its just that simple,

why do we have to make such a big big big big big issue over everything?!?!

2007-12-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

I have so much thoughts buzzing around in my mind i really need to lay them off here!

VBS was a life changing experience, And i think it's something really, really incredible that has unlocked unopened doors in the spiritual realm.

It's amazing to hear and see so much spiritual knowledge and gain so much revelations in many aspects of Christ and Christianity, And it's even more amazing to see and feel that my relationship with God and Church's spiritual level has really increased drastically. The presence of God is really there and i can really sense the true Heart of God residing in. It's fascinating beyond any thoughts i think or things i hear.

Pastor How prayed for the whole church to have a fathers heart.

A heart to make a difference.

I'm going to pass it on man. <3

2007-12-12T21:59:00.000+08:00

There's just alot of stuff i need to get out of my system!

Its just these few days

I feel like pouring out my heart but its stuck. I dont realy feel the presence of God that much and its such an ache..

Everyday is a battle with myself, my feelings and emotions

and it feels so tiring to just push against myself

One side of me is just thinking

The other believing.

Doubts are just cast so heavily into my mind and soul and it just is a battle and a hard vicious fight against myself!

And i'm not sure how to think or say anything anymore

I would stand up and say Jesus is changing me but its different

I dont know anymore!

There's alot of things and her

Everyday i just see her and it's a tough battle

Friends and closer

But its just a wanting and somebody i can't have

A longing that i'm really aching for and really wanting love and maybe that little, Hey, we've got so much in common or hey, i kinda like you

But i know that people are depending on me and i need to help my church

I know that i have a destiny in God

I struggle with myself every day and every day is a battle either won or lost
and it seems it's no movement

It's a weary stalemate.

It's just that i really feel tired of fighting

but one thing i know is that God's gonna help me and give me strength

I feel so sleepy and tired but God sees.

And sees.

2007-12-05T01:18:00.000+08:00

1 fondest memory you have in your lifetime.

When i stood at the crossroads of my life, and i decided to accept Jesus into my life.

2 people you'd like to thank.

Jesus for Dying on the Cross
Pastor for showing the way

3 things you would want to do now.

sleep
eat
go vbs

4 people that left the deepest impression (include reason why.)

Jesus: He affected, changed my entire life and gave me salvation and a new path FREE OF CHARGE.

Pastor : Given me teaching, guidance and wisdom througout my time at heart of God church

Ongah: For being insanely weird

Pastor Kong Hee: For being the leader of one of the greatest churches in the world and have him sit 2 seats away from me and preach right in front of me a great and sensible message that changed my thinking.

5 photos/ pictures that you like.

6 strange things you've done in your life

Scream for no apparent reason
Whacked Ian Yap's Chest in the middle of History Class
Burnt my Hair intentionally
Tried to make myself puke
Shave my nails with a razor
sleep 29 hours

7 things that you like in 2007.
I started the year in the presence of God.
I grew in God!
I met D2. YAY
O levels are over
I got guitar lesson! woooooo
Facebook
God

8 things you want to do in 2008.
Lose weight
Serve more
Learn Acoustic Guitar
Read the bible more!
fellowship more
EAT 3 PC CHICKEN
grow long hair
Dye it red
run to church

2007-12-02T06:52:00.000+08:00

Zone camp was amazing. Dom was preaching a sermon about others can, I cannot, choosing the long paths with God instead of personal glory and it just blew me completely away.

I'll post the rest of the zone camp details later but, revival night! it was crazy and i would even admit the turning point of my life.

I believe that God has been telling me that something amazing's gonna happen for these few months inside of me..and that my life is gonna be changed again. It happened! After Dom finished the sermon and he had the altar call i was just so inspired and spiritually touched and ached for the others can i cannot road i went up.

Although I didn't get prayed for, this is what happened:

As i was standing there worshipping God, a CGL came around our area and prayed really fast. I didn't even hear what she prayed and she didn't even pray for me, but i cld feel God's power radiating frm her and i just fell under God's power hard. It was like nothing i've ever felt before. I just fell flat on the ground and spoke in tongues for so long.

God started telling me about the times where i could have been something for him, take the others can but i cannot road, but i didn't and went on.

In sec 3, i could have given up the leadership role in publications to be a leader in church, but I DIDNT!

In dec 2006, i could have served in ministry and said NO to the rest of the enjoyment, but i decided to choose short term enjoyment!

I could have gone for VBS and grew better, but i decided to choose my publications.

I could have gone for SOW and be the worship leader i always wanted to be, but i decided to choose my publications.

In may, i could have seen the vision for 2007 but i didn't. I decided to choose my friends.

And God told me i could take the road if i wanted to again and he's giving me an opportunity to do so here and now!

I was standing at the crossroads of my life and on that day i felt so scared. So scared and so alone. Hw cld i give up a great future i've planned out and my dad and mum have paid for, sweated for, killed for?

I always wanted to Go mass comm, but somewhere inside i thought that maybe it was wrong? But it was my hope and dream, my idea and love and future.

I always wanted to be an electric guitarist and a rocker, and learn the techniques of Jimi Hendrix and John mayer and play it for God.

I always wanted to have a future in buisness with my dad, in the buisness sector and in 37 Degrees.

I have been struggling really hard with Sin and it seemed very tempting to go back into it after for fighting so long.

God told me to give up EVERYTHING.

So that day i decided..no compromise..i surrender all.

There it went, and i said:

God, I surrender

My Future education in mass comm
My future in buisness with my dad and mum
My electric guitar
My future as the heir of 37 Degrees
My daily sin and past sin i've committed for the past years
My life from now onwards

I shall walk the narrow way with you

I shall surrender all to you

You know best, You are God, i'm not, and I love you, Worship you, and surrender all to you.

It was extremely difficult esp the first and last one because i really shaped my school life and my dad sorted out everything for me in the future..

I didn't want to move away from the dream i had set for myself..but it was then that God reminded me how many times i could have been something but i chose the other way..and i can try the others can, i cannot.

So i did it! It's gone out the window.

I had two very distinct visions..one being a worship leader in acoustic guitar, as well as a leader, and the second one being a Christian worker in my school, counselling, praying, evangelising and helping both students and teachers alike..

and God told me it's about giving up dreams is to live a greater predestined future.

Being a Christian Worker..

In ACSBR, since the 1980s much of the christian fire was lost..

and i really wanted to change it..and God sent me on a mission to relight it's fire during pastor joakim's seminar and gave me a vision of what i was doing two days ago.

and what i saw was something incredible and amazing. I was in the school church after chapel and i was sharing..my testimony and a bit of the word..and i was also praying very hard for a breakthrough in families for several boys in school uniform.

I really think God has brought me to acs for 10 years for a reason..

So many times Acs's name has been tarnished and called Christian Hypocrites..

But i'm sure that it can be broken and there really can be a generation of knights for God again..there was a great revival in the 1960's but it was lost..i'm out to start it again FOR GOD.

And God also told me that he wants me to be a worship leader in acoustic guitar..and i saw it happen again. A vision..a long stage with alot of singers..and an image of me leading worship like omega.

And God showed me a last vision

There were roads all over the place

there were people on those roads walking, highways, roads, alleys, and suddenly a straight, small narrow road in front of me illuminates. It's a straight road and simple, rough, going through the desert in a long way. and God said to me..

Walk the narrow way with me, Son.

And there i just recommitted everything to Jesus and decided to do it, and i surrendered my future, as hard as it was, to him.

And it was just an amazing load off my back.

And woah..it was so powerful i started crying and speaking in tongues over and over..and i didnt stop until service ended.

That day i promised and promised God, Never again will i stray away

I may have gone here and there

Played church

Been not serious

Slipped many times

BUT MY RESOLVE HAS NEVER BEEN STRONGER

AND I WILL SURRENDER ALL TO YOU!

simply amazing.

I rise with you in the wake of the morning
And I walk with you in the cool of the night
And every single day
I'm devoted to your ways,
Only yours,
Only yours.

And I surrender all to you
And I surrender all to you
And I surrender all to you
And I surrender all to you

I rise with you in the wake of the morning
I walk with you in the cool of the night
And every single day
I'm devoted to your ways,
Only yours,
Only yours.

And I surrender all to you
And I surrender all to you
And I surrender all to you
And I surrender all to you

When I'm weak
You are Strong
You're my feet when i cant move on
You are the light in the dark
You are the whisper inside my heart

I'm all for you
I'm all for you
I'm all for you
I'm all for you

And I surrender all to you.

2007-11-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

I feel damn good.

It's been a long time since i've really been working awesomely in the spirit.

Since o levels have been thrown out the window, life is so much easier and better. Pray harder, Worship Longer, Move faster, Accelerate exponentially- all these things coming to pass.

One thing i'm really glad of is how i'm able to finally say no to some sins and temptations and tell the devil straight in the face, You, you're not worth it. You're a deciever and i will listen to God and act for Him and Him alone.

Everyday's a new Billy, and i'm proud of it. I'm changing slowly, bit by bit, i see it and i'm sure my Mighty Creator does.

It's gonna be awesome, i won't have words in my knowledge to describe it's beauty, magnitude and Godliness.

I live for Jesus.

2007-11-18T23:38:00.000+08:00

Hey guys.

Haven't posted for really long but ah well. I'll cover what's been going on this week.

Monday-

Finished my o levels! Finally i am free...so wonderful the taste of freedom! haha. Went for steamboat after that with Kris, Tock, Ethel, Sherlyn, Dom&fifi, as well as the rest of D2 to celebrate the end of olevels and It was really really good, had lots of stuff. And lots of retarded nonsense too! The constant thing about the clams, the "pig skin." and my fear of the auntie spilling hot soup all over me and everyone else if kris suddenly exploded in a cacaphony of screams. HAHA.

Went to hang out at parco after that. I was really beat the whole day though, so i wasn't such in a good mood to talk. It was good time spent with friends though, i really enjoyed it.

Tuesday-

GRAD NIGHT!

Oh my gosh It was super. I went bowling with Jason, Austin, Ben and Poh at RTC..it was really fun! Austin's power shots and Poh's slow bowling..hahaha! it was really awesome. Went over for the acutal thing at the ballroom, everyone was damn cool lah. Ezra wore normal clothes..Everyone else wore super cool clothes. Joachim wore a white suit man! He looked like some godfather guy or something hahaha!

The food was great man. The MC was super funny! had loads of nonsense lined up..funny competitions. A tribute to mr ng was played beacuse he was leaving..awesome man! haha. Also had the MR ACSBR nonsense..damn funny can! all the guys went up and most of them acted damn gay..the best is elton man. take off ribbon..go to Mr Ng and simulate erotic dance. HAHA It was a good finish..really proud! we sent Mr Ng off with a school song and a prayer..and we ended with the whole school dancing to YMCA. WAHA. After that Me, Ezra, Aaron, Soo, Teck Chai, Nick Yon and some other guys went to play lan at peninsula. Super cool man..dota started great but beacuse of the popups it was a horrible game afterwards..we wanted to stay overnight but well! we went off at about 1230.

Melvin, Me, Poh and Chew

Me and Ezra!

Me, Russell, and someone's half-face

me and...SAN

haha yangsheng so tired

Ben

Me, Song and the ee twins

arunan

HAHA RUSSELL HALF FACE

Melvin so retarded

Me, Mel and Ian Yap

Jeremy Ho

I dont know why, russell's face always gets cut off

Yangsheng looks so -.-

someone's..hair

stoopid mc

HAHA NICK OH

4A2 and Mr Ng

4A2 and Miss Tan

4A2

nat and melvin

HAHA

Me Berton Russell Mel and Ms Nuridah

A.U.S.T.I.N

Nelson, Aaron, Melvin, Me and Poh

Me, Poh, Ian Yap, Melvin and russell

I look like i'm squeezing his chin and he's screaming in pain

us and mrs aw!

Old time classmates and gamers yea! Roy, Daryl, me, cousin gareth, Melvin and Yue Ming

He Da Man

me and chew look damn retarded

aaron sucks

thats all for now!

2007-11-14T05:47:00.001+08:00

You've always been there every step of the way

In our lives, second chances you lay

A helping hand you always lent

Changing us from boys to Men

You drew the line for us very clearly

Guiding us along very sincerely,

Our hearts and souls shaped by you;

Our principal, who's brought us through.

You're leaving now, to another place

But until then, keep running the race

As a man of God and a man of Grace

Living the life, keeping the pace.

You'll never know how much, sir

You've moved, pushed, changed and spurred

Our lives into something great,

Indeed, it was God-Planned Fate.

Now as you leave we'll say goodbye,

But we'll keep you in our hearts as we fly

And always remember your words this day:

"Once an ACSian, always an ACSian.

Once a Barker boy, always a Barker boy."

-Tribute to Mr Ng.

2007-11-12T08:05:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone.

Decided to upload this first and leave the convenient changes till later. The design element is there but..It's just not very satisfactory yet. I don't like the tagboard and the Music configuration..it clashes.

One thing i'm very proud of is the face picture of the blog. Spent about two days on it. The skin is basically based on my fav. Musician, John Clayton Mayer, and the phase where he decided to transit from Boy-Band-Pop into Blues. (And mind you, It was an awesome transition with albums like try and continuum.) For me it really represents him in the time where he decided to.."Screw pop, Let's go blues" or something like that, and it turned out a incredible change. John's now in the diminishing number of true blues artists, and I really love that. So the face picture is what's representing John and his change.

I still have alot of work to do thou. Wanna do something good about the portfolio..its messy. The tagboard is very messed up. So is the music. They need a colour change man!

- has random thought-

Oh my Gosh. Listened to Tenacious D again yesterday. Kyle Gass is an awesome guitarist.

-random thought ends-

Okay. okay okay okay okay. I have to convince myself to leave it later because the ST competition is impt too. What the hell. I don't even know why i'm going in anyway. And the prize money, Is Salami.

Salami Sandwich.

-cliffhanger ending-

2007-10-22T09:01:00.000+08:00

O levels, o levels

I'm going to beat you down, i'm going to whack you up. I'm getting the max i can do for everything. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. I think you're a grasshopper, i'm going to crush you.

Olevels is nothing (:

lv,
Billy

2007-10-18T10:51:00.000+08:00

Good morning.

I just realised my posts are really erratic. LOL

Wl. Yesterday was quite horrible. Repetitive work, damn sian..almost died during math and chem tution. Oh well..Three weeks and it's all over! (:

Haven't posted on my days so far i just realised :0!

Well, nothing much has been going on nowadays..just regular studying and breaks and that's it. The only cool thing that's going on is meeting my new team..haha. It's really different from last time, everyone's at a closer age. There's Kris and Tock, our leaders. Sherlyn, Ly, and Minh! I've not met minh yet but wow, i bet he's just as awesome as the others.

Can't wait to see and work with D2. Awesommmmmmeeeee.

oh.

There you go, another erratic post. HA

I think i need coffee

lv,
Billy

2007-10-16T18:06:00.001+08:00

I need to get cs lewis's books soon. >=(

2007-10-16T13:58:00.000+08:00

I'm at pacific coffee, supposed to be studying but well the alluring draw of the computer is beckoning me to post something.

Hi.

Okay. Bck to work.

lv,
Billy

2007-10-15T09:53:00.000+08:00

rah.

Church was exellent on saturday, part three of the river sermon.

Work's driving me a little nutty as you can see, but i'm still surviving. what else what else...

AHYES! Zone restructuring! well well..i'm now in d2, under kris and tock. intresting! LOL! Kinda sad to leave d5 so fast after knowing them for 1 year, few months? It's been great with people like Clarence, Dex, Val, and Ranford. New CG, new friends i guess. haha.

Allright. time to start work.

lv,
Billy

2007-10-12T18:54:00.000+08:00

I just realised how it's like to walk humbly with the King of Kings. <3

2007-10-12T17:56:00.000+08:00

Hey guys.

Just had a really spiritual experience..

Went down to collect my specs after tution. Dad dropped me off because he needed to go for a meeting, thou he told me to take bus the whole road was blocked so i walked.

So then guess what? I came across my old primary school block.

It's nothing much now, an old place, dusty, unused and simple. but what really hit me was the memories when i was young. How i used to be so simple. I saw in that dusty place memories of boys running to their mothers and fathers and maids after school..i remembered the time where i was so simple in nature.

I remember the time where i first touched Jesus in knowledge, though i didn't know what i was doing.

And i remember walking home the way through balestier road with several maids in different ages, (Malani, Anik, Alice. Still remember their names (: ) and how i used to be so little and simple..how i used to play around.

And when i crossed the road into the place where me and my maid usually walked through, holding her hand, the narrow way inside one of the hdb flats, i really felt what it was like to be simple and small again.

And i was listening to my ipod, and came the song..

"Take off my shoes, I'm coming in,
Untie this rope, I'm staying with him.
Love of my life, I'll live and die
Just for the moment for my King and I."

And i just walked slowly and i really enjoyed the presence of God.

It was like i was walking with him again down the old road home

Hand in hand, a little boy.

And then i came home and went through the normal places..1 Thomson road, the overhead bridge, past the BP (now spc) station..and i felt like it was as if Jesus was walking me home all the way like my maid did.

And you know, i just felt so strongly that Jesus was telling me that i've walked the narrow road before.

And i can walk it with him again because he'll lead me home.

And as i approached my front gate, i couldn't help but place my hand on the door and rest it there

And just savour the moment before i went in.

Indeed, It's take off my shoes, i'm coming in..

And i just felt like smiling like a little boy again. (:

I’ll take off my shoes, I’m coming in,
Untie this rope, I’m staying with him,
Love of my life, I’ll live and die,
Just for the moments for my king and I.

Why did you call, why did you wait,
For someone so guilty, someone so fake.
There are no words for my beautiful song,
Now I’m in the arms of my beautiful one.

Hold me, blow all the pride from my bones,
With your fire.
Hold me, breathe on this heart made of stone,
Keep it pure.
Hold me, saviour of heaven and earth,
King forever.
Hold me, love of my life lead me on,
Through the fire, lead me on...

I’ll take off this crown and fall at your feet,
The secret of joy are the moments we meet.
How could a man with all of your fame,
Pull me from darkness and call me by name.

So hold me today, as I carry your cross,
Into the desert to find who is lost.
Look at my hands, they’re still full of faith,
God keep them clean till we finish the race.

Hold me, blow all the pride from my bones,
With your fire.
Hold me, breathe on this heart made of stone,
Keep it pure.
Hold me, saviour of heaven and earth,
King forever.
Hold me, love of my life lead me on,
Through the fire, lead me on...

Hold me, love of my life lead me on,
Through the fire, lead me on...

2007-10-11T22:34:00.000+08:00

thinking about stuff after olevels.

I need to go out exploring singapore for once man, lol. Planning to visit places i've never been before like hougang, pasir ris, queenstown and sth. Trying to find a place where i can watch free music performances but no luck so far? ):

I'd love to head to Jazz at southbridge but it's a restraunt and a bar..i'd look like a freak man. lols.

Where's the Jazz bands when you need them? D:

2007-10-10T14:40:00.001+08:00

Billy needs a study break ><

roar!

2007-10-07T22:52:00.000+08:00

As a man thinks in his heart; So is he.

I'm gonna improve no matter what. All things work well for those who love Him;

I'm going to love Him like never before,
I'm going to do things like never before,
I'm going to change myself like never before,
I'm going to move like never before,
I'm going to pray like never before,
I'm going to live for Jesus like I have never had before.

Jesus always gives another chance Billy, Another chance.

I'm not going to take this chance for granted.

2007-10-07T12:12:00.001+08:00

There's always time to try again; We fail to pass.

2007-10-06T20:28:00.000+08:00

Turned off tagboard. Don't need people to tell me anything anymore.

Turned off music. Don't need to have music to lift the Gospel higher.

Billy, I am so mad at you.

I'm mad because of the lies you had all day.

On november 1, you gave your heart to Jesus.

On november 1, you SINNED.

You commited yourself to Jesus Christ
You commited yourself to the LORD
YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO DO MINISTRY

and what are you doing Billy Zheng

You're falling into sin, you're making hell for leaders above you

You're freaking out new people and you're making people around you go crazy

What's your problem? Why can't you sit down and STUDY?
Why can't you do something useful
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SIT AT THE COMPUTER
OR WATCH TV
OR TALK ONLINE

Why do you have to make things so difficult for others

Can't you just be nicer
Can't you just be more tired
Can't you just wake up and do something good
Can't you be more fun
Can't you be serious in your work
Can't you LOVE GOD MORE?!

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?

I hate you Billy, because you screwed up so many things. You screwed up people's moments, you made life difficult.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST HIDE IN A HOLE FOR DECADES

AND NOT COME OUT

YOU CAN HIDE THERE

AND 'RECONCILE' WITH GOD

but you'll sin again and again

What's wrong with you Billy?

Can't you love God more?
Can't you be a disciplined son?

Can't you make others happy for once?

I'm not going to sign off yours sincerely or love

Because i can't be bothered to sign and i don't love you

-Billy

PS:
You did a horrible Job

2007-10-04T21:11:00.000+08:00

Apathy
By Billy Zheng

When you ignored that Guy while having dinner
When you got afraid of that girl's looks
When you saw the sad looking dude on the left
and just left him alone.

How many more people have to be indifferent
and for their own sake of fun and laughter and fears
condemn a soul to eternal suffering?

We sing making a difference in our lives
and then jump with joy and slap high-fives
We move on with the ones we know
leaving the rest, the new in shadow.

Lucifer waits for one mistake
and that guy who you saw while having dinner
that 'ugly' girl
that sad dude on the left, they're his

Devils waiting for your slip
Making things very attractive to
Convenietly forget.
Convenietly 'not see.'

We sing making a difference in our lives
and then jump with joy and slap high-fives
We move on with the ones we know
leaving the rest, the new in shadow.

Judgement day's come, He's here!
We all sprout wings and before we know
Here's heaven! Everybody's awesome and singing
The praises of the Lord and King.

And upon that throne He sits
The One and Only
The Lion and The Lamb
Jesus, God and Holy Spirit

But he looks down at us
and we see nothing but tears
flowing down His Awesome Face
He looks and says:
"Why didn't you care?"

We sing making a difference in our lives
and then jump with joy and slap high-fives
We move on with the ones we know
leaving the rest, the new in shadow.

2007-10-02T17:33:00.000+08:00

Maybe you should look above
By Billy

Maybe i've fallen to far
Maybe i've made things so damn darn
Hard to do
Hard to choose
Well is it too late?

Maybe things should be all made
Better for all those who take
Life as hard
As a stone
An impossible task?

Maybe you should look above and see
What He wants you to be
It's nothing much He will ask
But if you follow his task

Things will break through and will be
Something you'd never imagine to see
In your lifetime, A miracle made for you to be
Look above and see

Well things ain't so hard as they are
If you slow down and mark
The pace you're moving,
what you're knowing
where you're going

Things can work if you
Take a step or two
Making problems simple stuff
Making life not so tough

Maybe you should look above and see
What He wants you to be
It's nothing much He will ask
But if you follow his task

Things will break through and be
Something you'd never imagine to see
In your lifetime, A miracle made for you to be
Look above and see

A miracle made for you to be,
Look above and see!

A miracle made for you to be,
Look above and see!